Contemplations

2011-10-12T20:08:00.001-07:00

Feeling weak in the knees once again regarding my abilities and capacities and don't know if I am even aware of what I want. Probably time to sit back and reflect.

2011-10-05T19:31:00.001-07:00

Stressed!

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2011-09-30T00:54:00.001-07:00

Spotted Orion in the sky while driving back home! Fun part of getting back home at odd hours. Had one of those rare days in research where what u've been thinking of actually works. However I have been into mood swings and that isn't doing me any good. Finally Friday tomorrow!

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2011-09-28T20:43:00.001-07:00

Anger and hurt are so difficult to dispense. I wish I could forget it all and not let it bother me repeatedly but my efforts are like trying to contain the breeze. No matter how hard you try it will find an escape.

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2011-09-27T23:58:00.001-07:00

3 A.M., just got back from the lab half an hour ago. Dunno if the measurements I was doing make any sense. Will dwell on that tomorrow. A busy day it's gonna be and so I need to rush to sleep!

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2011-09-26T20:49:00.001-07:00

So the count down has begun. Next 6 months are gonna be packed with excitement, night outs, slogging, changes, and hopefully fun. That last part is important to me and I will try my every bit to make that happen. I am done with the useless melodrama for the time being. Of course there are things I can't wait to be done with, others I don't want to be over with, some I am uncertain of- dunno what I want with regard to them, some I dunno know of- they're still in the making! After all when has life been predictable and when has it ever fit into our plans?

Good night for now!

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2011-09-20T08:14:00.001-07:00

If life is all about starting afresh, bring it on!!!

2011-09-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

Past 3 am, not a single soul besides me here in the huge campus. Have been running a few measurements, something I have been struggling to get done this week. This is busy stressful but exciting phase and that is what brought me back to the blog after almost an year. Have dealt with people, problems, bottlenecks and deadlocks within the past few months. This insane phase of graduate life will surely be missed within a few months (hopefully!). Sometimes I see a looming possibility of getting depressed once I am done not knowing what to do with all the spare time.

Two thoughts for this week...

2011-09-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

Relationships are like glass, we often hurt ourselves while trying to fix them!

Life is never what we plan, so why mourn what life could have been, just let it go!

Vacant

2010-10-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life sucks away all the energy and here I sit thinking why I can't make anything better out of it. It is approaching midnight but I wish I could add a couple of extra hours to the day to get all out of it that I wanted. To make that one little drawing that I could stick on the wall, to make that one phone call to a friend which I have been postponing day after the day, to get a run in without having to worry about the time when i get back home, to end that unfinished book which I can't remove from my bedside till I am done and finally get some of those moments when I do nothing but lie down staring in the blank. Those are the things which I could do any day but still I don't get to doing them.

At the end of the day, I still keep thinking, if I had those few more hours...and I feel empty, spent, useless and down!

Good old days and those in making

2010-06-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

Lying on my couch lazily one evening, I suddenly realize it's full moon night and beautifully the moon peeps through my window. Such a relaxing feeling it is, to watch and feel its calmness, fills the mind with peace and heart with strange emotions. I felt at that very moment that I have been lucky to have my share of a fair and beautiful life.

These days the thought keeps coming back to me often that life has been great due to amazing bunch of people that I have met and friends who have made it worth living. It is that one phone call from an old buddy which fills the heart with joy and makes us feel that life is not about feigned relationships and pretensions. I have shared special and not so special days of life with so many people, but there are some among those, whom try as much I may, I cannot forget. Strange enough, they are the not so special days which now bring the nostalgia back to me. Can I have that one ordinary day of my life as a school kid back where I would just go to school like any other day, share a desk with a friend, take down notes, sometimes be mean sometimes kind to someone, share my food or envy others. Could I have that one ordinary day at college back, when we would do nothing but walk to class, count minutes for the lecture to be over, try hard not to sleep and then doze off, walk to cafeteria with no intention but to kill time, have useless discussions with friends which now seem to have immortalized in time frame? How come those ordinary days have found extra-ordinary spot in memory?

I know that this too what is happening shall pass and I should crave for it in future. I want to freeze some moments of time, I wish I could but I cannot. The truth is that they shall pass and the beauty is that that shall stay. Stay in the memories which will come back when my mind will find its peace, when I shall see a beautiful starry night, or moon at its full glow, when I look down into a valley from the height of mountains or when I listen to a favorite song all of a sudden after a long long time, it will bring back the emotion of all the fabulous things which have happened to me in life and I would so much long to live again the good old days and those which are still in making.

Scotts Run

2010-05-14T20:44:00.001-07:00

An early morning easy hike by the Potomac river among the woods. The air was so fresh and the view so mesmerizing that I could just not get enough of it. I filled myself with all the energy possible and brought back home the motivation to keep it going.

Looking forward to the next one tomorrow!

Commuters Diary-1

2010-03-06T16:38:00.000-08:00

As I take the train back home and lean my head against the window, getting lost into the fading day light, the lady in the poster smiles back at me through the reflection in the glass, "Avon walk for the Breast cancer". I am swamped once again into never ending thoughts of what I am, how life's been to me, if I made the right choices more often than not... my iPod plays the number kahin to hogi wo duniya jahan....jahan hai meri khushi meri hasi ...jahan meri zindagi mujhse itni khafa nahi...

How I don't want to go and work out after the day long of work (though today it also meant an hour long lunch and then a visit to a casual friends place). I also know that I will somehow push myself to do it and that would later make me feel awesome.

The book I got from the library last time isn't great and I am thinking of tossing it back unread. After all, there is so much stuff to read that I don't see the point of reading what I think isn't that impressive. Planning to check out a second hand bookstore this weekend (that's all my meager grad student stipend is able to afford in the name of hobby).

I wish I had charged my phone last night so that my post wouldn't have to succumb to it's dying battery. Well I'm almost half way now and the trains gotten crowded as it enters DC. Except for the man who seems to be enjoying his conversation with the lady next to him, most people bear a straight face, expressionless, some lost in thoughts and some in books. Waiting to get through the rest of the day!

Long time, long back

2009-12-15T05:08:00.000-08:00

Today morning I woke up to the thoughts of my mother and that made a compulsive urge to flip through some old pictures on my PC. There are a few which were taken a long time back, even before I was born, which I have seen at random places in my house while growing up. Now that I care more for them than I did when everything seemed to promise to remain unchanged for ever, I re-captured them in my camera one time when I was home.

This is my mom, probably when she was younger than what I am right now and for no reason I seem to be proud of the fact that I look so much like her! And here is my mom and me from my recent India trip

Mom, sometimes I wish the times would just be the same when you used to tie my ponytails and pack my lunch for school and when I would come home always to find you there!

2009-12-09T20:26:00.000-08:00

Was at a conference today and as always, I felt I have accomplished so little compared to what others have. But now as I am getting used to it, I guess this feeling of self-deprecation is a symptom common to most phd students. We all at some time (or most of the times) feel that " I and my work are good for nothing"! Would let the feeling diffuse a bit and let my eyes rest by getting off the screen for now.

2009-12-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

I just noticed alongside the "new post" tag that this is going to be my 100th post! As I have been sometimes active and mostly dormant, this comes after more than 5 years of existence of this blog.

What I really came to talk about, is my new work place which I joined 2 days back. So as of now I am a newbie getting lost into corridors and eying everyone around with unsure look on my face, running around for paperwork and putting names together with faces. Setting up my desk and computer accounts, following people to places and getting used to the sights, sounds and the feel that the place brings with it. These days are exciting and funny to look back on! I am excited about the work and can't wait to get started. Still can't believe that things could fall into place so well and so unexpectedly.

बस वक्त गुज़रता जाता है...

2009-11-30T19:47:00.000-08:00

एक लम्हा जाता थमता सा
एक झोका रुकता चलता सा
एह्संसों का आना जाना
दिन रात बदलता जाता है
ये वक्त गुज़रता जाता है।

एक बार ज़रा सा रुक कर के
इन लम्हों को मै जी तो लूँ
एन साँसों का चलते रहना
भी क्या जीवन कहलाता है ?
बस वक्त गुज़रता जाता है!

2009-11-26T18:21:00.000-08:00

Today is the day of THANKSGIVING in States, whatever context it may hold for history and historians, it's a day when people recede into their houses and relish a home made dinner with family and close friends. For me, its also a day which makes me feel an alien in an alien land. More than three years in a foreign land and I can still count my friends on fingertips. One? or may be two...Life out here is so dynamic, like a guy I met a couple of weeks back put it, "By the time you meet a person and get to know him/her, its probably time to say good bye".

During a random conversation, my advisor who's probably spent more years of her life here than in her native country said she still feels after all these years that she is in a foreign land. Reminds me of the haunting lines from Wuthering Heights where Heathcliff says, "He might as well plant an oak in a flower pot and expect it to thrive, as imagine he can restore her to vigor in the soil of his shallow cares". Not that life is dull with no fun what so ever but just that at times it sounds and feels meaningless. I am so much looking forward to getting done with school here and moving on.

A welcome aspect of this ever asserting boredom is that I tend to take refuge in work. So next three days will probably be spent in lab browsing research papers, taking notes and listening to music. May be some other grad students will be around, who've got nothing better to do!

Confessions of a...

2009-11-24T18:55:00.000-08:00

As the semester draws to a close, you can sense the rising stress level in the air. Students stick around in the school till late and almost everyone's complaining about the amount of work they have on their tables. I have myself been worried about work as I have been struggling with a single problem for past couple of weeks without considerable progress. Among all this, sometimes I feel my job of dealing with students and working on their problems for hours together is taking a toll on me.

It's been more than 3 years now that I've been working as a teaching assistant and I have come across students with such different personalities. But broadly I would still classify them into three categories based on their class performance.

Category 1: Those who are so good that they don't need a TA for the class to help them with anything. In fact, the secret is that many a times they make me feel that I was relatively so stupid when I was an undergrad.

Category 2: Those who are hardworking and want to do their best. Their asset is their diligence.

Category 3: Those who really don't care.

And based on their behavior towards the TA

Category 1: Really nice, modest and polite. Will graciously excuse you for your mistakes and accept their own. These are the students who make me feel responsible for what I do.

Category 2: Those who will fight and argue and then be like friends again. I don't know what to do with them as I cannot argue with them and can't even get mad. I believe these traits are not meant for the instructor. I just wish to convey my points and can only hope that they are not misinterpreted.

Category 3: Again, they really don't care.

Now 3 years into this task, I feel that it is important for a teacher to become impervious to the comments and behavior of students to some extent. Of course, they are the indicators of your performance and concurrence with the students but then you ought to know when to trust your judgment and when to trust theirs.

As I go deeper into it, the more I believe that teaching is one of the most challenging professions which demands drive, energy, spontaneity and patience. There's no end to improvement and never can you do what is enough and never there is an instant when you are not being critically examined. Sometimes I feel stressed, impatient and exhausted, these are just indicators for enormous scope for improvement.

All ways lead to home!

2009-11-16T17:39:00.000-08:00

The first route that I ever learned in this world was the one that took me from my house to my school where I studied from kinder garden till junior school. That was where I made my first ever friends, some of which have come all the way along in the course of a quarter century. My first few memories of myself go to a house where I grew up from a toddler to a school going teen ager, where I played with my siblings and my cousins and where we developed a passion for dogs as the best pets. I shared a single room with my brother and sister, where we studied for our exams before each of us made our way through life and now we don't even live in a city common to any of us. Those memories go back to the afternoons when I sometimes played alone by myself in the garden outside, where we experienced the rain as it trickled down the tin shed and gushed down in narrow streams, where we sat outside by the fire in winter eating peanuts and drinking tea. We also went to a common school for may years. When it rained, school will flood with knee deep water and though hated by teachers and parents alike, those were the best days at school for us. It was a small school and even the local popcorn vendor outside knew us all by name. I spent most my time at school practicing for skits and speeches and debates and life still held true to its definition of childhood.

High school was a bigger place, lots more students around and gradually I was drawn into a mess which hasn't ended till date. The fun of school was vanishing into the cramming of day and night. Yet there was fun in the jokes that the classmates cracked, in the little birthday treats that we had by the bakery in front of the school, which looks all cluttered and cramped up now when I pass by. The photocopy shop where we lined up just before the exams was nothing less than a hang out place of the town. Life moved on, people moved on to become doctors, engineers, soldiers, managers and on the way most faces got lost in the crowd.

What remained unchanged was the place where I could come back at the end of the day and call it a home. Little did I realize that life was changing never to fold back. My sister left for engineering school and it was a big moment for us. My parents were proud that she went to an IIT and I dreamt of making it there some day as well. Cramming of day and night became intense as the schooling was drawing to a close. The default routine of going to school and coming back home was coming to a full stop. No more school dress and no more school bags, mom's never gonna pack the lunch box for me the same way ever again and my dad's never again gonna pick me up for home. It was time to leave the home like I had done never before and though I had waited for the day when I will make it to an engineering school, I had never realized that this was it, home is never gonna be home the same way again.

Though I packed my bags and left for college, lived freely in hostel and some say and so do I that those were the best four years of my life but yet every holiday and every break I would come back to the same old place called home. It was a routine to catch up with school friends who lived just a few streets away from my house and sometimes we would also get together and visit some of our teachers who were still in schools. In our memories they will always be as young as they were when we were in school but only when we met them the stark reality hit us hard that our teachers are growing old and so are we. Little did we realize that all this while time was passing by.

College was over and now our lives were more refined. Each of us knew what way we were headed to. I came to states to pursue some of the dreams I saw while I was in college. Some friends stayed behind to join management schools and others quietly sunk into the real life with a job in their hands and marriage proposals transforming into life long bonds. How quickly life sped by no one realized. In my dreams I still find myself sometimes in a school, sometimes in hostel lobbies and sometimes waking up to realize that I am not at home! Home, still remained so. Whenever I went back to India, everything overwhelmed me as all the memories came flowing back into my mind. It was a constant in my life which held everything together, a pivot around which my life was loosely wound and left without it, it will be a badly tangled mess.

Yet, home has started to change its meaning. It no longer is what it used to be. Its no longer a place where me, my brother and my sis played as a kid. Its no longer a place where we crammed up for our exams and its no longer a place where I returned to quietness from school. It's no longer where I spent my days writing some stupid poetry in solitude or where I sketched my first pencil and charcoal sketches. It's no longer the place where we fought as siblings and no longer the place where my mom had to be summoned to make the truce. Its no longer the place where dad used to establish the disciple and no longer the place where we watched cartoons and flicks together on a single TV in the house. Home has changed. It's a place now where my nephew and niece are learning to take their first steps in life and where they charm everyone with every syllable they utter. It's in their clatter and chaos that the soul of the house lives. It's a different story. Over the years the house has changed in the look, the furniture and also in the people who make it. We have grown and moved apart, Bhabhi and kids became part of our lives, dad has become more reticent but I guess mom has still remained quite the same. I think the memories of our lost days live in our hearts, the siblings and our parents, as to what it was and what it was like raising us.

Why does all this comes back to me one sudden day when I sit thousands of miles away from the place where these memories were built? A couple of days back I got the news that my brother got a new job in Ahmadabad and will soon be moving to a new place in a couple of months. My heart instantly went out for my parents. I did not want them to be left alone by themselves. The only thing I wanted was that they should move to the new city with my brother. Later, when I talked to my sister, I learnt that she was equally upset about my parents. I felt better only after talking to my brother who said that he would ensure that mom and dad moved out with him sooner or later. Once I had the assurance, my thoughts went to what my parents (and in the process, we) would be leaving behind. All the memories of my life take me back to the place which I have know as home all these days. Taking the same streets back home over and over again uncountable times. What my parents leave behind is much more because when I was born I never saw any of my paternal grand parents. I have only heard their stories from my parents and aunts and uncles in explicit narratives of how they were, where they lived, how the house and the place had been over the years, how the neighborhood had changed and how their generation had been the heart and soul of the place before each of us came into being. Leaving the place which has existed through us over the years takes a certain part of us when we leave and which will always stay there no matter what. True, change is the most unchanging thing in life but I had never seen this coming in my life. Wiping out the roots and establishing them in an unknown land. I am sure it will be exciting and I will embrace whatever life offers with open arms but my heart will always stay in the place which I have known as home all these days. I will probably wake up at nights dreaming of it and be happy to have gone back for those brief moments.

Another Marathon in my bag!

2009-10-12T20:01:00.001-07:00

So, on Saturday I ran the Baltimore Marathon and it was one hell of a race. I never thought it's gonna be that difficult. I had trained more than last time, had done two twenty milers and had also been running better. I had known that its gonna be hilly but then how hilly could it get? Those hills between 16th and 22nd mile proved to be absolute killer and by the time I was at mile 20 I was done with all the ambitions I had had for the race. I just wanted to finish and that was it! However the good thing, the weather was great and it only drizzled now and then.

People had told me that last 3 miles is going to be all down hill and that should have been a savior but as it happened even those few miles had gentle up hill every now and then. I wanted to escape every familiar face in the crowd and just get to the finish line. Mile 25 brought a feeling that I can still finish it strong and better than last year. I ended up finishing in 4:49:46. Still a personal best and with that kind of course I am more than glad that I improved my time by 25 mins compared to MCM last year.

P.S.

1. No matter how much I train, last 6 miles of the marathon are always gonna kill me.

The round robin

2009-06-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

Here is another pic which Yi shared later from the week before and which definitily deserves to be here. Wow, the panoramic view of Potomac River clicked from the Key Bridge.

On another note, take a glimpse into what's been keeping me busy for past few months:

1. If I learn to operater E-Beam writer (say A) at Howard University, I can write my structures and its the job half done.

2. Ok...couple of weeks...I learn that, oops, I need an evaporater (B) which is broken.

3. OK, if I can bond my chip (C), I can by pass A and B.

4. Oops, bonding machine is broken.

5. OK, a friend can bond it for me at his lab.

6.Week later...experiment done...we need to do measurements.

7. SEM in school (D) is not good enough no good results.

8. OK, I will take it to Howard.

9. SEM at Howard has problems.

10. OK, I will take it to UMD.

11. Technician is an expert, SEM is good, no good results.

12. OK, we will try at NIST, my colleague might do better measurements.

13. No good results, chip itself might be a problem, too big, difficult to focus.

14. OK, try writer at Howad and evaporater in our school.

15. Evaporater has gone for repair will be back in a week.

16. A week later- evaporater is back but the technician is on a break for 15 days.

17. Try making new structures somewhere.

18. Oops adviser has no money.

19. OK, let me try with MWCNT as SWCNT might be the problem.

20. Do step 1 again-successful.

21. Do step 2 again-almost successful.

22. Now if this last thing works, I may have hopes, oops SEM at school stops working.

23. Send adviser an e-mail begging for some money so that I can make some structures.

24. OK, its Friday, forget about it all for 2 days!

And then they say, "what do you mean by you don't know when you are finishing school?".

Mission 2: Mount Vernon Trail Bike Ride

2009-06-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

We were certainly over ambitious when we planned to bike 18 miles on Mount Vernon trail this weekend, as all we were able to cover was around 11 miles with Qianyi saying a thousand times , "I am dying/I am dead!". Nevertheless it was great fun, also for the first time I actually located this trail on the map and did away with the notion that GW Mount Vernon campus is actually located in Mount Vernon. Additionally, I realized that I have run several miles on different parts of this trail never knowing that they actually fall on this trail. Running along the Potomac river for most part and intermittently running through marshes and open pastures, the trail is very scenic.

First time Qianyi asks for a break pretending he is going to die after biking for about 3 miles :)

Jones Point light house is somewhere between mile marker 9 and 8 and this was the furthest we went. (We started backwards from mile marker 17, before that covering a few miles to reach there)

Despite all this, the best part of the day was a few minutes of basketball that we were able to steal while we were waiting for the shuttle back to campus after returning our bikes. I guess I told you earlier about my skills with basket ball. Today Yi introduced a new game, HORSE. The rules go like- all of us shoot in a sequence, if a person makes a successful shot the following people have to shoot from the same spot, if they fail they earn a letter for themselves, like the first time miss earns you an H. Likewise every miss which was preceded by a successful shot earns you a letter and person making a HORSE is out of the game.

Guess what? Qianyi earned a HORSE and was out of the game and Yi was at HORS with myself with an H. Awesome, isn't it? Those guys couldn't believe it. But the bad news is that Yi made a come back unless we were at a tie with both of us at HORS. The shot which made him a winner was the one I had never seen before. He made a board shot from left side of the basket with left hand. He told me to try with the left hand but I tried with the right instead and bounced off the ring thus making Yi a winner. Just to give left hand an equal chance, I try again and make a basket...Yi is willing to let this one count but no, I am a fair player after all. So once again, though I was always an extra in the college team somehow can't do away with some flair that came with it :)

Mission 1: National Gallery of Arts and Sculpture Garden

2009-05-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

Now this is called sheer bad luck, my friends and myself had been so eagerly looking forward to Jagjit Singh concert today evening until we came to know yesterday morning that the concert got cancelled :( And yes, this was supposed to be his last US tour. Sigh, sigh, sigh...

So what did we do instead? We went to National Gallery of Arts in DC and I was surprised that I had been unaware that it exhibits paintings from Rembrant, Van Gough, Raphael, Degas, Vermeer, and Monet among others. One and a half hour was barely enough to rush through the highlights. That being said, I think the gallery deserves a couple of visits before I can exhaustively see the works that interest me.

Bright summer days should be put to better use than being loyal to my pc and hence every weekend you might hear me telling stuff about places in DC, which I have not been to before or having visited earlier, I still consider worthy enough to stop by.

And here is my picture in Einsteins lap outside Natinal Academy of Sciences :)

Travel log

2009-05-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

So as promised, here are some glimpses from my Holland trip. Life had been so hectic and demanding before the trip that I decided to take it easy once I was in The Netherlands. So I would sleep till noon and then go and explore places. Destination 1-Delft, a small but beautiful city, pretty center with an old and a new church and lots of shops and restaurants around. I happened to be there on Thursday to witness the colorful local market.

Canal through the Delft center

Keukenhof, the famous tulip garden was where I was headed the next day. Took a train from Delft to Leiden around noon. Excited about going to the most photographed place in the world, I decided to make a check on my camera only to realize that though I had charged it fully I had left behind my SD card! There wasn't enough time to go back and get it, that will almost kill half the day and I had already killed the other half by sleeping till late. I decided instead to get down at Leiden and look for a card before I head on to Keukenhof from there. It was a bright and beautiful day and I found Leiden to be a vibrant town. The market was teeming with people and I had no more regrets for leaving behind my camera card and to add a cherry to the cake I got the card at dirt cheap price at one of the sale shops. Here is the sight caught in my camera, the first windmill that I came across in Holland, only to realize that they are everywhere there.

Leiden town sight

Well, I did make it to Keukenhof and it was a sight to behold.

Keukenhof

Windmill at Keukenhof

And this is "the picture" of Keukenhof, reminds you of dekha ek khwab to ye silsile hue...

This was a marvellous day, so bright and colourful, literally and figuratively. Destination next- Amsterdam! Highlights- Anne Franks house and Van Gough Museum. First one, was the place I was sure I am gonna visit once I knew I was going to The Nethelands and the second one made me glad that I was there. To see the works which I have seen only in prints was a moment indeed.
Oh yes, I missed the RLA in Amsterdam, yes I did. I just had half a day there and that was just sufficient for a ferry ride and 2 museums.

Queen's palace at Amsterdam

If Delft was my main destination, I couldn't have missed The Hague for the sole reason that Mauritius Museum in Den Haag hosts Johannes Vermeer's Girl with a Pearl Earring and View of Delft.

Mauritius at Den Haag

As said in the beginning, these are just the glimpses, the stories remain untold!

Classic old Indian Movies

2009-05-09T22:31:00.000-07:00

Won't call myself a movie buff but there is one genre of movies which I definitely like, classic old Indian movies. Just finished watching Ijazzat (yeah, officially I was grading for my class), and am wondering why I had never seen it before. I think a month back or so I watched Bazaar, also for the first time. Movies which revolve around simple characters drawn from real life, nothing fancy or flamboyant about them, which get a strong hold of the viewer, as they talk about life and simple yet complex human pschye. Ofcourse these are both quite well acclaimed movies but I saw another one quite some time back, Mausam which I just happened to come across. Later two being both directed by Gulzar, whom I have always loved as a lyricist, may be now I will keep an eye for his movies too.

Hit or a miss

2009-05-07T16:28:00.000-07:00

One amusing sight for me is watching people run to catch a metro train. It's exciting to see who will make it and who will not. Today I really smiled to see people one after the other successfully being able to make it and the consequent joy of relief on their faces. Finally an old lady squeezed herself in saying a bright "excuse me" to a fellow traveler. I am sure there must have been a few (or many) who missed it just by seconds. So much like a game of chance we play everyday. A hit today and a miss tomorrow, that sums it all!

Counting days till Tuesday, waiting for it to be officially "summer".

Small steps at a time, moving forward

2009-04-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

I am back again after a more than a month long break but it doesn't seem like it at all. Past few weeks have been so busy that I am surprised how I managed to get through everything pretty decently...well may be I know, it's the golden rule that I've learnt. When there are just too many things to be done and a very little time, take each task step by step, moving slowly through it and you will surely end well. So I knew it will be over and I will get past it, conference, course work, paper deadline, TA work, poster, conference again and also the PhD proposal. Though I am done with most of it, I am still to give my PhD proposal on May12th and that makes me a little worried. I thought I was OK but now as the day approches I am getting apprehensive about other things which I should include, for it to be an easy sail through.

For this weekend it's gonna be the Pittsburgh half marathon. I am excited as my sister, Jitha and myself will all be running it. At the same time, the idea of flying again this weekend after a week long trip is not very thrilling.

Ofcourse, I have updates from my trip and other things which ought to go here very soon!

2009-03-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

I race numerous other fast pacing steps and squeeze myself in, just in time before the door closes behind me, a few others barely manage to get in and there are a few who missed it. Grey coats, black coats, red, white and some colors hard for me to define. Newspapers, ipods, fiction, politics and a crowd of strange faces. I think what each might be headed to, what each might have been through. While there are still a few stops before I need to get down the metro, Kishore Kumar melodiously sings into my ears..."ek raah akeli si, rukti hai na chalti hai"

....

Headed back from my destination now, I am again waiting for the train. In just about 2 minutes a train arrives, the crowd moves forward, I can get in quick if I want. There is a person in a wheelchair next to me who wants to get on too.I am not sure if I should give way or just move ahead. No body seems to be noticing either, intentionally or unintentionally. I am still hesitant, finally side by side with him and as we both attempt to move forward, the door closes on my face. I realize there is harly anyone left behind except the two of us. I step back, the wheelchair is reluctant to move back, I am a little scared while he is still trying to pull back. The train moves and picks up speed, thank God he is safe and the wheelchair has moved back too.

2009-03-18T05:13:00.000-07:00

Now in a better state of mind I think, no matter what we should be able to pick up the scattered bits and pieces and start a life afresh. Do we have an alternative?

Love, life and relationships

2009-03-17T20:15:00.000-07:00

Last few days have left me so disturbed. Relationships, heart breaks, joys and sorrows, life has never intrigued me like this before. The problem is not that I haven't faced any of these before but the problem is that I have never seen a conflict of views that I see now. All values, feelings, and ideals I have grown with and have come to believe in, seem to find no solid ground. Feelings, no doubt evolve and change with time as we do but what about principles, virtues and goodness? Everything in this world seems to be dynamic, what was a virtue of yesterdays may just be an idiocy for tomorrow. But then what school of thoughts do I follow? The ones I grew up believing in or the ones I see people around me believe in. I don't quite agree with the latter, their may be modern/liberal views and opinions about relationships which go as "Just because you loved someone once does not mean you are bound to love that person always. Feelings can change and relationships can lose their charm. In this case it is fair to follow your heart. You are not guilty of cheating your partner if you break the relationship and find the new love of your life, no matter even if your ex still puts his/her heart and soul in the relationship." This theory leaves me flabbergasted and sometimes I also feel that may be I was not meant to be living in these times. Now you know what I meant when I said life has never intrigued me like this before. Some of the questions that have been troubling me:

What do people mean when they say they want to end a relationship because it has lost its excitement? Is that all it was worth?
How can you walk away from a relationship saying it is good for both parties as half hearted relationship is just pretending being something you aren't? At least accept that what you are doing is for your own good and do not name it philanthropy as it is not.
How can you stop loving a person you once loved (I here specifically mean due to loss of charm of the relationship)? You stop feeling their pain, fear, agonies and feelings anymore? Are you sure you ever loved him/her?

Honestly, I feel these theories are formulated for convenience and not for love. Use the one that comes in handy. I have nothing against people who use them, it just hurts when used against people who could never bring themselves to believe these. These people still believe in theories of unconditional love, fools that they are, they couldn't replace it by a more user friendly version of falling in love, falling out of love and falling in love again.

Among all these things, one of my undergrad friend is worried about not getting positive results from any of the grad schools he applied to. Hey kid, you grow up only to realize that this world is a place where nothing matters in the end, be it your degree from school or years that you spent building a relationship. It just takes a few whims and fancies to make you a loser or a paper score which means nothing at all to decide your fate (as you realized today). Unfortunately you don't see it today as none of us do, things look better when we look back on them.

P.S. This post is based on my feelings from some experiences in my life and some in other people's life. After all we live partly through our experiences and partly through experiences of others!

P.P.S. Another friend of mine is sad that this is his last day of college!

From a reader's desk

2009-03-07T20:58:00.001-08:00

For a couple of months I had been struggling with this habit of piling up my monthly magazines at the corner of my table, thinking that I will read them some day at leisure. The only thing that happened was that the pile kept getting larger. My problem was that I would be engrossed with a book and would focus all my time and energies to finish it. Now, as I could not take the growing pile anymore, I finally resolved to suspend all other reading till I finished all the magazines for the month. So this time, I read my Runner's World from cover to cover and it makes me happy.

What I realize is that reading should be like a balanced diet. I have been stuck with fiction all along and it's time to add other stuff, current, happening and non fiction. But of course, I still have an eye on all my favorites out there.

One of those dull days

2009-03-04T15:04:00.000-08:00

This is how boring it can get! I spent almost the entire day yesterday searching for some relevant papers until finally my eyes started to hurt after glaring at my computer screen for that long. Today I have been talking to various people for setting up my experiment and replying some e-mails and I am feeling so dull. Not the end of the day yet, I could squeeze in another couple of hours of work into it but I have decided to give myself a break. This mood needs to be revamped before I can proceed any further.

So...I am looking forward to the track workout in the gym today. First time that I am going to try this indoor track and I hope I like it. If I do, it will save me the overhead of taking a metro to the high school where I started my track workout earlier this year. Just waiting for a group of students to demonstrate their project. Once they are done, I am done for the day too. Thinking of treating myself for the dinner today and then reading Calvin and Hobbes. That should be enough to recharge me for tomorrow.

Thoughts

2009-03-02T15:15:00.000-08:00

One of the beautiful things that I learnt specially during my undergrad days is that you've got to give back what you get, if not directly then indirectly. If someone in nice to you, you've got to be nice in return, if not to the same person then someone else. Isn't that the way we make the world a better place as well? If we inhereted a clean and green environment, we've got to make sure that we pass on the same to our future generation. If someone gave you a quarter when you were desperately in need of change then shouldn't you give a dollar to someone in real need? And if you do a favor without a reason isn't it a reward enough to know that you might have started a chain of people passing on the favor to others?

My favorite writings

2009-02-28T20:27:00.000-08:00

When I was in school, may be in 6th standard, I got this idea of writing a personal diary. Now it's a chicken or the egg kind of question as I don't recall if it was getting my hand onto a diary which gave me the idea or the idea which motivated me to acquire the diary. It was not a daily entry sort of diary though, as I recall, it was more like a grocery log kind of thing. Nevertheless I started making my daily entries into it and of course the things that I wrote were silly. A couple of days later my diary was stolen and I was more worried about people making fun of my silly entries rather than the loss of the diary itself.

Relentless as I have been, I think I got a daily journal sort of diary a few years later and started making my entries again. I still remember that my first entry as a school kid was "a visit to a circus" written in colorful sketches and bold handwriting. Soon I realized that this is gonna be painful and switched to talking about anything to everything in a running hand. Unlike whimsical activities, this stayed with me for quite a long time and by then I already had acquired a few years of my life penned down in my own hand as it shaped from day to day. It's amazing that I can go back through a day, as it happened in my life years ago and all the characters standing right there, still the way they used to be.

Gradually the e-bug seeped in and I got more into this blogger thing and those pen and paper moments have become so rare. But what I feel is that my feelings for my personal diary writing are like for the old worn out shirt, which is most comfortable to sleep in.

P.S. BTW I am happy that after a long time I finished this week with all 3 weekday and a weekend run!

Nepal Travelogue

2009-02-27T19:10:00.000-08:00

While I was planning my trip to Nepal this winter with my parents, I had already decided that I should take notes and put it all together later. Motivation being personal records but also lack of comprehensive info on the web about the same. I had found a few blog posts by people which were so helpful in planning out my trip so consider this is as a grateful return! I will try to tie the threads together as I copy some of my notes as it is from the diary and reframe a few others.

Initially I my plan was to visit Kathmandu and stay there for a couple of days until my dad told me about Pokhara, another destination in Nepal. So I did some web search and figured out that commuting between two destinations should not be a problem as they were accessible by air and road. The easiest and fasted mode for Kathmandu from India would have been through air I guess but I chose to take the land route instead. A couple of things influencing my mind there, I could save reasonable amount of money, I was not hard pressed for time in fact this provided us a flexibility in our schedule and I had read that the land route to Kathmandu is scenic. So from Lucknow we took an overnight train to Gorakhpur from where we would start our onward journey to Kathmandu via road. We were not sure what exactly our plan was from there on although we had an idea that we had to drive to the border town of Sonauli, cross the border there and then proceed to Kathmandu again by road. What was unsure was whether to do this journey at a stretch or to break it into parts for two days.

During those foggy days of winter when all trains were running late it was a real surprize when our train got to Gorakhpur almost on time (half an hour delay is not accounted for). Exiting the railways station we were flocked by the taxi drivers all of whom wanted to drive us to Sonauli. Although we had made up a mind of taking a bus instead we couldn't help getting tempted to save some time and get smoothly to Sonauli. We paid 600 INR for a full taxi which dropped us at Sonauli in roughly 2 hours. The route had been drowned in fog and we found a little traffic jam just near the border which we crossed on foot.

Since we had no plan we now had to decide what we wanted to do. A passer-by directed us to a travel agent and soon we were looking into maps and attractions and deals. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to go for a travel agent's deal as I had never gotten into one of these ever before. He would offer us accomodation and a ride throughout to all attractions and the two cities, Pokhara and Kathmandu that we were interested in visiting. Seemed like a good option and after some negotiations he gave us a deal for 5 nights and 6 days for 14000 INR. There were pros and cons of it which I will delve into later. It was still around noon and we decided to drive to Pokhara and make that our final halt for the day.

05.01.09 Drive to Pokhara was 6 hours, pleasant one among the mountains just that it was bumpy at places. We have reached the hotel and everyone except me has already retired, shedding off the tiredness from the day long journey.

06.01.09 It was a slow morning which developed excitement as we reached Phewa lake at around 11 am and visited the temple. The place is scenic with a huge lake surrounded by mountains. Quite serene and calm. Later we drove to Davis Fall and Mahindra Cave. That was pretty much the day except for a lazy walk along the lakeside market.

Pic: Phewa lake and Barahi Temple in the middle of it

Pic: Phewa lake and the lined up boats

Pic: Barahi Temple

The place is beautiful. A small town in a valley suited for a leisurely and idle vacation. Given a chance to revisit this place I would rather go trekking, rafting, paragliding and explore adventurous side of it.

Next day our plan was to get up early in the morning and catch the sunrise from Sarangkot. Mom and myself were the only ones who dared to cheat the early morning cold and sleep for the view. This is what I had read about it while my search and planning for the trip-Everyone in Pokhara wakes up early to greet the mountains during sunrise. The reflection of sunlight from a mountain is always a breathtaking site. You will never forget the sight of the fishtail mountain standing right before your eyes saying "Good Morning!"Nothing could be more true, I was so enthralled by the view that morning that anything said about it would be an understatement. I have seen sunrise at the ghats of Varanasi many times during my four year stay there and those were some of the successful attempts among other not so lucky ones where one would end up gazing through the morning haze of fog and mist and hoping to see some faint rays of sun. When we reached at about 5:30 am it was still dark leading to faint twilight in the east after a while. As it started getting brighter we could see the Annapurna range and the much talked about fishtail mountain.

Pic: Annapurna range and Fishtail mountain in the center as seen from Sarangkot vista point (Twilight view)

The crowd was getting bigger and the wait got longer. It was getting brighter and even the twilight started to fade away till it was all clear day light and I was forced to believe that we were not fortunate enough to see the sunrise but nevertheless the place had impressed me with its scenic beauty and charm.

Pic: Annapurna range again in bright light

As mom and myself were descending the steps, a street hawker asked us if we really wanted to miss the sunrise? I said we weren't expecting to see it now and she said we were missing out on the best part. I had never seen the sun rise through the mountains in my life and had no idea how amazing it could be. The mountain peaks were glittering tinsel gold and it took a couple of minutes for the sun to find its way up the horizon. The view was truly breath taking and I have no more words to do justice to it.

Pic: Annapurna again, glistening before the sunrise

Pic: Sunrise

There are so many times that you thank providence or luck and I did the same for making it to that place that morning. I can now say that this was the best moment of my trip and I was also glad that my mom was there too.

We visited a few other temples that day and then the local market.

Pic: Bindhyavasini Temple

That was it for Pokhara and the next day we were heading to Kathmandu. In our way we stopped at the Begnas Taal which only a few miles from Pokhara, good that we did as my dad happened to love the place!

Pic: Begnas Taal

Pic: View on the other side of Begnas Taal

Somewhere somehow Pokhara evoked my memories of my summer trips to Nanital with family during the childhood days,small town, surrounded by hills, a lake and the lake side market!

We left for Kathmandu at around 9 and I guess reached there at about 4 pm or so with a halt at the Begnas Taal and also for lunch. It shouldn't have been that bad but we met some bad traffic on our way. Still we used the evening to visit the local market which was walkable from the place where we had put up. Lively and croweded, much like local markets in Indian cities.

Next day was our day to hit out for the attractions of the city. Pashupatinath temple being the first place to visit. Although I am not that much of a believer but I was surely impressed by the architecture and beauty of the temple. My parents had been looking forward to this as the major attraction of trip. Temples in Nepal, especially the old ones differ vastly in architecture from those in India and have that unique double pyramidal tops. Buddhism being another popular religion in Nepal we also got to see the Baudha and Swayambhunath, the sacred Buddhist pilgrimage sites.

Pic: Baudha

Pic: Swayambhunath

Pic: Kathmandu city view from Swayambhunath

Pic: Swayambhunath again

That was our last day in Kathmandu. Next morning we drove back to Gorakhpur and made an overnight halt. Our plan was to visit Gorakhnath temple the next morning and the head back to Lucknow. As it is that the backward journey always seems to get quicker, so the next day slipped by unnoticed and we were home at night.

In total we had spent 7 days and nights and it was a refresher! Hopefully you will find this useful if you plan a trip to Nepal from India in future. My conclusive tips and remarks:

By road journey is not a bad option in fact I thought it was fun if you don't have much time constraints like me.
Decide whether you want to make it an adventure trip or just want to lie back and relax. If former is your purpose you may want to save some money as everything in Nepal is overpriced and charged for tourists. If latter is the case you can afford to be a little more extravagant.
Also it might not be a bad idea to go for a package if you don't want to get adventurous as public transportation is not very good in Nepal and also there is a lot of bargaining. A package makes it a one time hassle and then no worries.
Its not an amazing shopping spot for Indians, you may consider buying a few Pashmina shawls though.

More lessons

2009-02-27T15:16:00.000-08:00

Life is such a mess when I try to be someone I am not or think why can't be like that someone else. It's all so easy when I let myself be what I am, appreciate, admire and love the fact that I am what I am and not that someone else!

Never forget

2009-02-26T19:14:00.000-08:00

If you noticed the icon for "NeverForget" on the right side of blog, you might as well click to see what it is i.e. if you haven't done that already. Now assuming that you did, I will go bang on with what I want to say without any further introductions.

I chose to volunteer for NeverForget because

Like numerous other Indians I felt angry and agitated after 26/11
I wanted to do something about it
I have to be the change I want to see
I have to be aware of the politics and politicians of the country I care for

What I choose to do

I am a person with poor general/political awareness and I am going to wipe dust off my memory to recall all what I learnt about the Indian Government in school (although this is not a requirement for NeverForget but my own).
Do some google-ing and browsing for the cause, anyways that's what I do most of the time!
I can make my little contribution to the big cause by finding a task of my interest and executing it.

What can you do?

Minimum: Visit the website and see what others are doing
Maximum: Isn't that what you decide?

Lessons learnt

2009-02-10T20:38:00.000-08:00

Past couple of weeks taught me two important lessons

Never give up before trying all what you can so that later you don't have to think that may be if I had tried this thing or that, this way or the other...
It's not the success that we celebrate but the joy of sharing it.

Run for India 2009

2009-02-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

So here we go with a bang. This is the first copy of our letter to our runners from previous years for Run for India 2009. We will soon be sending out letters for newbies!

It gives us great pleasure to once again get in touch with all the AID runners from past and to announce our Run for India program for 2009. On this occasion we cannot help to recollect and relish our days of training and preparations for the past Marathons. Recalled with reminiscent smile are the unusual early start to Saturdays when the comfy quilts were cast off and the laces were tied well, when the guilt of cheating on weekend laziness was cast away on catching up with running buddies and where the idea of fun was coming home all worn out after an 18 miler. Sometimes being a lonely stranded runner, we realized like never before that the world looked prettier in the morning rays of light. Months of training culminated into the final realization that what we gained on the last day of the race was far out weighed by what we had gained all along. Seemingly gargantuan task of completing a marathon was finally achieved with the help of our wonderful coaches and coordinated efforts made by AID volunteers. What brought us all together as a team was a single cause of strengthening the hope for a better India.

At the nascent stage of Run for India 2009 program, it comes natural to us to reach out to our runners from the past, welcome them once again be a part of our team, relive those wonderful moments and put together our rejuvenated efforts for the common cause. Presently AID is looking for a head count of possible half and full marathoners for 2009 Marine Corps Marathon, and Baltimore half/ Full Marathon. We hope to see many of you back again with us this year and be a part of our running family.

Having run with us during the previous years, you are also the best ambassadors for our program. Please talk about your running experiences and our program to your friends, family and acquaintances as our combined efforts can bring added cheer and success to the program. We would like to hear from our prospective runners for this year before February 20th, 2009.

Even if you plan to take a break from running, we would encourage you to join Run For India team of volunteers and help to make Run For India 2009 a big success. We promise that we will try our best to make 2009 a great year of running with lots of fun, co-ordinated efforts to meet personal and team goals and an opportunity to deliver our services and tribute to our nation. If you have any questions regarding Run For India Program please do not hesitate to email any of our co-ordinators for the program.

An evening, a dinner and the conversation

2009-01-28T03:34:00.000-08:00

It's still a start for the new year on my blog, this being the first post of 2009 and interestingly I noticed that I've never started a year that early on my blog ever which is but a good sign. It's been a week since I returned from India and it already seems so long, as usual life slipping by fast.

After being away for a while, there's nothing like catching up with a friend on a dinner table and that's what I did last evening. When you are a grad students pursuing PhD with a teaming bunch of undergrads around, you can't but help to feel old. So me and my friend were sharing our apprehension of already having crossed the quarter century of life and worst fears of soon hitting thirties. How we want no more birthdays and my wish of holding on to life while I am still in my twenties. Soon we find ourselves looking blank into each others face as a waiter brings a birthday cake and stands by the side of our table. I thought we just said we don't want any more birthdays! A few seconds and he moves on to the table right behind my back and there's the familiar birthday song. I turn my head around to find two ladies, at least in middle forties sharing the table. We are quite for a while with only a lingering smile on our faces, we knew what each of us was thinking even before I broke the silence to put it into words.

If you are at all interested to hear about my India trip then yeah, I took a bunch of pictures and penned down some thoughts as well while I was there, will try to share them sometime soon!

2008-12-17T10:47:00.000-08:00

I am all set to fly to India in a couple of hours and leaving for the airport in few minutes. All excited and I am sure this 1 month is going to be fun and will just zoom away. This might be the last post for the year, so see you all later!

Credit to go green

2008-12-10T18:14:00.001-08:00

I wrote this article for Washington Post a few days ago and not surprizingly enough, it got rejected. So here it is to my limited readers.

It's been a while that I have been trying to escape these credit offers following me. To start it off I am not worth a million, just a poor graduate student trying to make my ends meet. So when I receive these offers of credit every month not from one but several companies it irks my very soul. The only pleasure is in the knowledge that I am not the only one pestered by these but this is a wide spread disease. After almost 2 years of silent endurance I finally looked up for the phone number to unsubscribe and did so only to know that it does not guarantee an absolute refuge from all such stalkers.

This is an old story of fortitude and I don't have to talk about it but my recent realization entailing the same definitely needs to be talked about. We are living in the times when the moto of each day is "go green". I have been trying to get the green revolution into my life bit by bit each day. Switching from poly bags to "carry your own bag", saving water, saving electricity and printing all my school notes on both sides of the sheet to save paper and hence the trees. These simple thoughts are what I am trying to live with and letting my friends call me a freak if they would. This is the way we've got to be if world's got to be any better. Chanting these rules everyday I come home just to realize that I have been handed in my mail box for past 2 years a stack of papers which is entirely useless to me, which have been trashed without opening those neatly sealed envelopes. Moreover the realization that I am not the only one being handed over this stack of material and I would only be glad if it all went missing!

I can make a small difference by taking an energy and resource efficient way of life and I am sure there are many like me out there. But people who can make a huge difference are those market giants leading the world. I appreciate the institutions which have switched to an option of e-bills and electronic statements and who encourage there customers to go green. Resources are not to be wasted where they are not needed. It is high time now that old marketing strategies of sending snail mails of offers and schemes should be declared outdated or be restricted to choice. By choice I do not mean that a customer is for it as long as he/she does not say no to it. Give the paper resources when asked for, don't make it the default. If taken for granted now, it will have to be heavily paid for at a later stage and we all know that. It's time now to put it in our minds for ever. If companies and institutions try to make a change by adopting "greener ways" they will not only make a noteworthy difference but they will never make strivers like us feel that our trivial efforts might just be flickering candles in storm.

Back from the slumber

2008-12-07T20:57:00.000-08:00

OK, this has been a long absence and I have been lost among so many things. For now it is exams, pending papers, grading and among all that dreams of being in India not even 2 weeks from now! Have been in a kind of slumber despite all this for some time now, doing things yet not getting a feeling of accomplishing something, I am sure you know what I mean as it happens to all of us from time to time.

In this while that I've been absent from here I finished another book, Remember Me?-Sophie Kinsella and that's unusual and still not. Unusual coz I am not a person who finishes a book in two days, I take it easy and swallow it at my own pace but at the same time this one was just one of those books which take you through a smooth sailing ride, with no jerks and bumps and you just enjoy it. Formed a good read and detailed review on my Shelfari bookshelf. So you must be asking me what's next in the row? Well don't give a stifled laughter if I say I have picked up one of those books which I always wanted to read as a kid but never got a chance to read and am going to fulfill my fantasy now. I have picked up Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain. Despite my forewarining if you still have that smirk then let it be because I've already decided what I go with after this one, it's gonna be Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, ofcourse one cannot go without the other! I bought these 2 for myself on my birthday of 2006 but they have been secured on my bookshelf since then. I have a travel lined up in coming month and I am sure I am going to have fun reading.

Other than that there was some travel and fun during my period of absence. Also an effort to keep my running going post marathon, which has only resulted in another injury in my left leg. So suspended running as of now. I have been good and bad days at work but mostly I haven't been feeling that great for a past couple of weeks and so work hasn't been that great as well. My students have been working very hard though and they are my constant source of inspiration. There are people who knowingly inspire us to do better in life and then there are people who do so unknowingly. Former are mostly friends and family and the latter depends on where we seek them. When I see my students working hard, it makes me feel as if I am obliged to do better in whatever I do. Let's accept it that that brilliant guy/gal in class who made us secretly be jealous of him/her was also our motivation do work harder. So right now I just want to feel the best for the coming week and wrap up all my work the best way before I board a flight to India next week!

Planning to keep you all updated during rest of the month while I am here and not going into the hiding. Don't know about the same while I am on the vacation, I might just totally be lost for a month.

Suite Francaise- Irene Nemirovsky

2008-11-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

The real life story of the author and her family left me as grief struck as the book itself because though the book portrays the misery of greater mass but is ultimately just fiction which revolves around the great tragedy of which authors true story is a mere glimpse.

I have read other books which work around the same plot and most of them had more than just elements of truth. The Diary of Anne Frank and Two Lives have vividly portrayed the misery and misfortune of people and world in those years. I love both of these books but what I like about this one is the presence of gleams of hope which reaffirm our faith that even in those troubled times people realized that good will for fellow humans is above all causes for war. The book initially conceived by the author as a series of 5 books put together in a single volume would have been a better knit and fully wound novel but could never be completed because of authors heart-rending fate. Never the less the book in its current form feels complete. It reveals different characters caught in the typhoon of events during the war, relationships being made and abruptly ended and new characters being revealed while others follow their destiny to death. There is vise as some try to maintain the luxuries during those times and there is kindness of a young priest trying to teach message of humanity to rough orphans and falling prey to their very roughness. There is rebellious patriotism of a youth restless to serve his country and their is a afflicted mother waiting to see her son who is away to serve during the war. There is an irony of a man who survives the mass exodus and returns home safely and then dies in just another car accident.

My favorite is the second part of the book where after defeating French army the German soldiers enter France and live with the French families and gradually find their way into their hearts. This is a little optimistic side of the story where you see that war is not what we want, not even the soldiers who fight it. In the reminiscences of the German soldiers of their country and people back home even the French people can see the bond of emotions which binds the people of all colors, races, creeds and nations together. The situations and circumstances leave the people bewildered, unable to decide whether to love or to hate, whether to trust or to betray and whats right and what is wrong. You can't but feel sad when the soldiers leave the village to move on with there journey during the war as if saying good bye to some one you will never see again when your heart silently wishes that what is happening just won't happen. I love the fact that however dark may be the hour there is always a glimpse of light at the far end of the horizon.

First Marathon in my bag

2008-10-27T15:59:00.000-07:00

"You might not get a good nights sleep on Saturday night but don't worry, this can happen coz you are over excited for your first Marathon", this is what the coaches had been telling us but my thought was that this isn't going to happen to me as I am not "those" kind of people who give so much thought to it. On the other hand I was scared that I might end up over sleeping the night before the run. I couldn't belive it when I actually got hardly any sleep the night before. I don't know if it was anxiety, excitement or a mere co-incidence. So all the time I kept thinking about how I am going to pace my miles, that I neither have to go too fast nor too slow, how I have to enjoy the race and still focus on the run. In between I don't know when but I also managed to get a dream where I had gotten a special gift in my goodie bag! By the morning I was restless waiting for my alarm to ring so that I could get out of this night long thought process.

The time between getting up early in the morning till the start of the race always seems to stretch so long to me that I just want to fast forward it to the start of the race but this time it never seemed that long. We were among the first few to arrive at the MCP tent to find the place warm and cozy. Within another half an hour the place was full of all excited runners greeting each other and sharing the excitement. While on our way to the start line we saw the wheel chair people start the race and by the time I was trying to make my way to my timing slot of runners the race had already started.

I said bye to my sister who was to see me again at mile 10. Preeti and myself started the race together but she got lost in the crowd even before we hit mile 1. For the initial few miles the race went a little downhill and then uphill. There were supporters in some places, people who had come out of their houses to cheer the runners, still sipping their morning coffee, some of them had even kept bannanas and donuts for us but I think it was too early in the race for anything like that. Taking a turn and running on GW parkway we embarked on key bridge. The bridge was full of all excitement, lots of cheers and cries for us, I also saw a bunch of Asha supporters but the faces were unfamiliar. End of the key bridge took the race into George Town. We went down the canal Road and took the Fox Hall Road back through M Street. While still on Fox Hall Road I realized that the chip on my shoe was getting loose and I was scared that I might drop it. I had to keep an eye on it and I even stopped a couple of times to make sure it wasn't falling off. After sometime I convinced myself not to worry a lot about it and just keep going. By this time I had met a couple of runners from AID on the course. I passed Malini and Sushma somewhere before mile 4, I saw Aris around mile 5 and Ravi and Jagdish around mile 7.

Mile 10 seemed to be there even before I had expected. Akash and Sapekshita were cheering for me but they told me that my sister would see me at mile 16. I knew I had to do Hains point before I get there and also from runners from last year I had heard that thats the lonely part of the Marathon. I crossed mile 11 and was running towards 12 when I saw Harpreet and Laxmi. I had sort of been looking for them to help me someway with my chip. I had already stopped atleast 3 times to make sure it wasn't coming off. Harpreet gave me a pin with which I tugged my chip to the shoe lace. That was the best thing any one could have done for me at that time. Harpreet also gave me some beans which I enjoyed and running towards 12th mile. The turn around point at the Hains Point was also the half way point for the race which was commemorated by music which the runners danced to. Not far away I saw Princy and Madhvi from Asha. Princy cheered for me and so I sailed towards mile 14. Mile 15 brought me the memories of last years run as I had cheered the volunteers at the point. I knew the race was entering the National Mall and it's gonna be a lot of fun. Mile 16 and I still didn't see my sister, now I thought that she probably got lost in the crowd. OK but there is nothing that I can do right now so I should simply keep running. After a while I see my sister, Sapekshita and Akash, I give them a hug they take a quick picture and there I go towards mile 17.

So far my pace had been absolutely perfect, just as I had planned, I was going 12 minutes per mile and was feeling good. Now the race had entered National Mall and I felt so much at home. I had run on the same route during my weeday runs and had also gotten some of my best runs on this part of the course. Mentally at this point I was thinking whether to increase my pace at mile 18 or mile 20. I was thinking about my target of finishing under 5 hours. Things seemed to be going well and the target seemed achievable. I decided that if I make it to the 20th mile under 4 hours at the current pace then I would increase my pace only after 20th mile and my present calculations seemed to agree with that. I waited till 20th mile and started looking for Jitha at around 14th Street. I didn't find her there and just kept going. The entered the famous 14th street bridge now which holds the 20th mile marker. Just there I met Bhaven he cheered and ran a few yards with me. He also called Jitha to say that I had already passed the 20th mile marker. I ran faster now feeling hungry and thirsty. I was wishing for some more beans when at some distance I again saw Harpreet and Laxmi. I asked for beans and they handed me some. The bridge seemed to be long but soon I was over it. I knew I was entering crystal city and soon I was hoping to see Yi.

I was feeling a little exhausted now and couldn't keep up with the increased pace so I slowed down to the regular pace. The crowd was increasing and we got more and more cheers heading into Crystal City. I waved at Ronak and Rima as they stood among the crowd. A little later another familiar face, it was Sonika this time. I was getting tired and was sort of glad that she joined me till 23rd mile from where she crossed to the other side of the street and I went ahead to complete the loop. I was looking for Yi as as passed the crystal city metro but apparantly he wasn't there, "may be he couldn't make it", I thought to myself. After a while Sonika joined me again and I ran towards mile 24th. Exhaustion was now setting in and I was just trying to keep running at a constant comfortable pace. I didn't want to think about the distance at this point. This thought kept me going till mile 25 where I met Dushyant and we moved forward covering the last 1 mile of the race.

At this point when I saw my sister and Jitha I realized how I had almost forgotten that I hadn't seen them in a while. Kaustubh and Nikhil also appeared nowhere and they all boosted me to run strong through the finish line. Climbing the last hill which was just a few steps seemed to be so difficult and then it was over with me crossing the finish line. I never felt so tired during the race as much I did when I stopped running after it was over. I adorned the metal sheet to avoid getting cold and gulped down the whole bottle of water. I was starving and had been running the last mile almost for food. Lakhi had also joined me at the finish line and other friends went back to see Ashu at the finish. My sister, Lakhi and myself found our shortest way to MCP camp where I grabed a slice of pizza and a sandwich. Now the feeling seeped in that I had finished my first Marathon and went around congratulating all other runners and receiving their wishes in return.

It was great day full of fun and enthusiasm and the race was over before I ever felt miserable due to exhaustion. I should definitely thank all the AID volunteers and ASHA people too who cheered me all along the way, thanks to those strangers as well who cheered at me saying "Go Asha Go", though I don't know why they had a notion that I was running for ASHA :) Some fellow runners kept me going strong by "Go India Go". Definitely my sister who flew all the way from Pittsburg for my first Marathon was a motivation for me to keep going to see her at the pre-planned mile markers. My room mate Jitha who missed me at the 20th mile marker coz she was over prepared and before time so that she thought she could see me at mile marker 18th and missed me some how! That also goes as the funniest story of the day. Thanks to all the friends who were there to cheer- Kaustubh, Karun, Akash, Ruchir, Sapekshita, Raunak, Bhaven, Nikhil, Rima, Bassam, Suboh and Yi. Finally I must say that it was because of Ashu and Lakhi that the whole thing was much more fun than it would have been without them. I will miss the jokes and the fun that we shared during the course of these 6 months- Lakhi and Jitha's support for the 20 miler, Lakhi's story of his 20 miler and his evident surprize at myself being fine after my 20 miler, Ashu's hot water therapy and strategy for the race day, Lakhi's cool shades- everything is a story in itself to be cherished and remembered as the part and parcel of our first Marathon.

My last note goes to all the donors who helped me easily surpass my fund raising target of $1250 and our collaborative effort will defineitly make a difference to life of at least some people in India!

P.S. My finish time 5:14:56

My feet are well on ground

2008-10-20T16:58:00.000-07:00

This takes me 4 years back...some moments stay in the mind like a picture clicked by an imaginary camera and so has this has stayed with me. I recall a conversation with a friend where he was questioning my fantasy for making a career in teaching. My idea- teaching is a dynamic job, you learn each day and you are among the most dynamic crowd of students. His idea- teaching might be fun for some time but might get boring after a period of time when you find yourself repeating same stuff over and over again so what if the bunch of people whom you teach changes.

Now after 4 years having had a glimpse of teaching, one thing that stands very clear to me is that teaching will keep your feet firm on ground. No matter how many times you have taught a class it takes equal effort each time because your students will test and try you each time and you will never be perfect. It has happened to me so many times when I have just felt miserable for not being able to do my job well but then I have to tell myself that this is a job where nothing less than 100% perfection is enough and that can only be striven for all the time.

There have been set backs and there have been motivations in this span of 2 years. I think I mentioned it sometime earlier as well that the first blow that came to me was during my first class as a teaching assistant. "Probably we need a better TA" was a ruthless comment that I overheard coming from a student and spoiled my entire day. It not only made me feel miserable but also worthless. Then there have been times when students have yelled back at me coz they couldn't get their experiment to work in the lab and I couldn't help them much! There are students who just don't care and don't really seem to need me for anything, they are no trouble but sometime their don't care attitude hurt me somewhere quietly. So there comes next important thing for teaching, it teaches you patience and ability to ignore when things need to be ignored.

Motivations are there sometimes just at the right time. I cannot appreciate Prof. A enough for what I have seen of him during these past 2 years. He is an amazing person and an equally amazing teacher. Have only heard good things about him from the students and the Professors and my experience approves all of those to be nothing but the truth. Always calm, composed, jolly and in control of everything. Never seen him upset and I have been in situations which seemed to bother me like hell but he would resolve them in minutes. AMAZING is the word!

My colleague Tom is another example from whom I try to learn time and again. I wonder how he can always be on top of things and yet do everything so perfectly. May be it's just that when compared to me, he has to look perfect. But ya, walking into the lab this Sunday and seeing him work for the class he had to teach next week made me say to myself that there are people who really give in their best to this job. So don't take it easy anytime and the moment you do you start rolling down the students rating for you. (Keep in mind that students rank you almost as hard as they want you to grade them easy)

The one whom I address as my Granny sometimes, my adviser, I have come to admire her more and more during these 2 years. I like the fact that she demands hard work and quality but at the same time appreciates the value of family, friends and relationships. An excellent example of well maintained balance in life of a women in academia.

Rate my life

2008-10-17T17:37:00.001-07:00

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8.6
Mind:	8.7
Body:	9.1
Spirit:	8.8
Friends/Family:	5
Love:	6.2
Finance:	7.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Leisure

2008-10-16T05:15:00.000-07:00

Haven't been feeling that great since yesterday and sleepless since 4 am today. I did what I do often at such times, browsing through random blogs and adding some of them to my favourites. Finally, when I decided to get up and start my day with a bowl of cereals only to realize that there is no milk in the refrigerator. Such times make me swear that the mess in the hostel during the undergrad days was such a blessing, walk in anytime...no grocery to worry about. Although I don't even have to walk a block to go and get that bottle of much needed milk but it is just that I won't. Thinking of alternatives reminds me that I have some milk powder which might do the substitute. I had gotten the poor guy to give me company during those odd hours in the lab, being knocked around all over in that place it finally found refuge in my kitchen shelf and now serves our more demanding emergency needs. Didn't taste that bad as well, in fact better than our 2% fat milk!

Such a random post is just a result of random browsing for almost 3 hours, which made me miss my blog and also kind of adieu to this interval of doing nothing. I should get to work now, at least now that I have a meeting with my advisor in a couple of hours. This might be a long day ahead and I have also asked Jitha if she would like to join me for the run today evening. Poor thing has continuously been challenged by me for being able to run the last 6 miles with me during my most awaited upcoming run. I don't know if I mentioned her morale boosting questions "Do you want to walk a little?" or "Is there a water station in your sight?" during the couple of miles that she ran with me during the twenty miler!

Sigh, this should end here and here I get to work...

My best

2008-10-08T17:31:00.000-07:00

I ran my best 5 miler today with a pace of 10:33 per mile. This is the fastest that I have ever run and recorded. This makes me glad and confident for the upcoming race and kills the gloom I had after the lousy weekend run last Saturday. Reasons for the improved performance?

I had a lot of water during the day and was well hydrated.
It was pleasant and cool outside.
I had my music to keep me going (My playlist stopped when about a mile was left to go but I just removed my ear phones and ran towards home, that's where my run ends)
I have been continuosly timing my 5 mile runs for a past couple of weeks and have been consistently improving.

Well all above could just be conjectures, possibly I am a great runner and am gradually revealing my true colours :)

On the other end life is getting insane these days. Lot of work and lined up deadlines. As usual my efficiency seems to be low but I am trying to take it bit by bit as it comes.

Almost there

2008-09-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

I completed the 20 miler yesterday and in the time I expected, 3 hours and 54 minutes. These things make me feel good but what makes me feel happier is the fact that now, a day after the run I feel absolutely fine. Yeah, I am fit and fine to go for the Marathon, now that we only taper in our runs. Talking about yesterday's run, I think I ran pretty well till mile 12, OK till 17 but it didn't seem that easy after that. Fortunately I had Jitha waiting for me at mile 17 and she joined me for a mile and a half and that made my life easier. 3 miles really appeared long at that time but once she had joined me we just kept chatting and going. Once I had reached the last water station before the finish I was thinking that it's not much to go now and I am just gonna run it in one shot. This thought carried me till mile marker 10 (finish line was between mile marker 10 and 11) but then I relented to give myself a sip of gatorade. Resuming, I was just telling myself that it's not even a mile more. I had just run for a mile when I saw that red glimmer of the digital timing display. Though I was exhausted and didn't get the urge enough to sprint to the finish line yet I felt that my legs had gone a bit stronger and ran just a little better towards the finish line. I made it just under 4 hours. Just as I had reasonably expected (not hoped). I am glad not only about the 20 miler but also that I have been able to maintain my pace of 11:40 now upto 20 miles. That's what I started with in May with the ambition of running my first marathon.

After the run we went for the Indian Ocean concert last night. They played some great music!

2008-09-11T17:47:00.000-07:00

After a long time this week I did both my weekday runs and am looking forward to the weekend run. It's the same feeling like going to the class with your homework done and the lecture reviewed. It's just gonna be 12 miles this week so doesn't sound that formidable as well. Now as September is already half way I have just a few more long runs and then a month of tapering distances till the Marathon.

Good bye summer

2008-09-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I did something that I have never ever done before in my life. I ran 18 miles and that too in rain.

There had been a tropial storm warning and we had known that it might rain on this weekend run. After the run, a bunch of us went to Starbucks and grabbed a hot cup of coffee and chatted away. I was soaked in water for almost 4-5 hours and when I embraced my cozy comforter back at home after a hot shower it really meant something. As usual, Ashu, our official media guy, was ready with the camera.

I just think this one is a great snap. We were all so cold after the rain and after getting a bit dry we didn't want to venture into the rain to get to Starbucks. We simply used the trash bags to get these raincoats, "definining a new fashion statement". That's actually a compliment we got from a stranger, or I assume it was so :)

Chronologically, recalling backwards, the events during my absence from here, first let me talk about Virginia Beach Half Marathon. It was a great run and an equally great vacation. As I had mentioned earlier, I ran complete 13.1 miles with Jitha and we kept chit chatting all along the run except at times when she told me to keep my mouth shut as I was tiring her by making her laugh. There were music bands and cheer groups all along the course and the finish line was on the beach itself. So you finish the run and jump into action on the beach. That's precisely what we did. Also came to know some eally wonderful people on this trip. We were a bunch of 14 people and I think all of them rocked. That's how the enitre weekend was fun. We had dancing, singing, beach and ofcourse we enjoyed our house by the lakeside.

Again credits to media guy, A, for sending me this.

Yay, next I get to talk about my trip to Disney and Universal Studios, Orlando. It only left me one question, why hadn't I been there before. A friend of mine said that he went to the place about an year ago and he felt he was too old for the place now, I beg to differ. It's a place where you can be as crazy as you want and if you love adventure rides, they have the craziest ones. Needless to say I love the scary ones and the best part about them is that they aren't that scary as they look. Believe me!

So all this for now and for summer. VA beach half marathon was absolutely a perfect way to end it. School has started and so begin classes teaching and amidst all this research. It's going to be crazy every passing day but good to see people around campus. Long queues for Starbucks coffee and having to share lanes in pool, crowded Kogan Plaza and lots of things for the newbies. Hopefully it's gonna be a great semester with me being able to progress a little in my research.

2008-08-28T17:37:00.000-07:00

Know what?One of my students from last semester and now I should say more of a friend stumbled onto my blog. (If you know I am talking about you, be glad that I have a post dedicated to you). First of all let me say "welcome readers" to this new community, which I can now expect to drop by here now and then. Next, let me have a bit of laugh at my self. Imagine myself whining about studies, work load and huge amount of homework here, which I usually do and my students reading all that. It's as funny as finding my advisor one fine day writing about her worries and work pressure, not like an advisor but like another ordinary being. I am so much used to seeing her ordering stuff around and assigning deadlines that it would be a piece of amusement, reading about her worries.

That's for now but tomorrow, if I happen to be a Professor and when I turn 50, my students will still be able to go online and read this stuff that now I write as a grad student sloughing in school. It will be such a treat. I hope I could find one such blog from one of my Professors. I would read it 10 times over. Sigh, that was not the era in which I was born.

Well, I am happy if my students (most of them are like peers) drop by and read this other side of me, beyond the class room, where I am just another being, where I talk more and other than studies, where I sometimes regret work and other times say how much I love it. Then, it would be easier to convince you guys that I think many times before I deduct those few points off your carelessly turned in weekly lab reports. More so, if you feel like taking a revenge, come here and say "NONSENSE" :)

Running and the fantasies

2008-08-20T16:57:00.000-07:00

So I ran the weekday run yesterday after about 3 weeks and I was glad that I was able to resume. It was the longest weekday run I've ever done, approximating 7 miles. I started from my apartment building at around 10 in the morning, ran through the National Mall till the pool in front of the Capitol. From there I took a U-turn and ran back till the monument. I have done this loop many times though but this time I added the tidal basin to it which is right in front of the Jefferson Memorial. Having done the loop, I ran till the Lincoln Monument and then headed back home.

As always I was carrying Gatorade with me and kept sipping it from time to time in the beginning but after a mile or two I started feeling the heat. The sun was right up on my head and it was almost burning me. After sometime I felt like having water not Gatorade but unfortunately there are no water fountains on the Capitol side of the National Mall. I kept running with the thought that once I am on the other side of the Mall I can find a water fountain. But that was still a long way ahead. Reaching the tidal basin, I was just thinking WATER. Tidal basin always appeared a short run to me but this day I realized that when Jitha had said "It's not that short", may be this is what she meant. I was optimistic that there should be a water fountain somewhere around the Jefferson Monument...but none! So just slough on...As Washington Monument approached I began fantasizing water, only recalling the incident when I had reached for the fountain there and it was dry. Lucky this time, it wasn't. I had some and splashed some and ran better towards Lincoln. Half the way up the reflecting pool and my throat felt dry again. Towards the end there was a fountain but this time dry. I targeted the next nearest one and again drank and splashed and ran better. Now the heat was killing me and the water that I had splashed on my face was drying as quick as on the hot plate. I wanted the shorted route home, found one and ran. For the first time I noticed that Washington DC has a "C" street. I thought it was one of the missing letters from the grid. Now I am thinking if it has "A" and "B" as well.

Reaching home the first thing I told Jitha, "It's so hot that I feel I am burning. I am gonna be running during mornings from now on". Jitha-"I thought this will make you switch to evenings". I replied, "I mean early morning". Yes, I think it would be a better idea to sacrifice some sleep rather than melt myself like I did. Also may be next time I would carry Gatorade and water with me. If you are wondering what my pace was, let me just tell you it was horrible. Hopefully, that's a motivation to run better tomorrow.

On the other note, I am all excited for a trip to Disney Orlando. If you guys miss me for the next 4 days console yourselves with the fact that I am having fun :) Ya, that means that I am going to miss the 16 mile long run this weekend but I hope I will make up for it in September, now that my knee is not giving me much trouble. See you all later!

P.S. Guess whom did I meet in the academic building today? One of the coaches from the run. I found that he is a grad student at GWU as well and about to finish his PhD soon (sigh from the beginner). He didn't recognize me in the first go. If every time you have seen a person, it's been in running gear then obviously not. Well that was a pleasant surprise!

Running and the injuries

2008-08-17T16:44:00.000-07:00

I found it a little funny when I ran my last running post and found that I was expecting my injury in the right leg to heal within a week. It's been more than 3 weeks and I am not completely done with it yet. The first week was the worst though and it started feeling better with every passing day. I missed running for two weeks and it felt bad, I wanted to go out and run and envied every runner out there. In the mean time I was trying to keep up with the alternates though, swimming and elliptical, which got me a little bored. Starts the third week and all sort of thoughts start coming to mind. Do I have a stress fracture or something bad? Will I be able to get back well into the schedule again? Will I be able to finish the targeted Marathon? I should visit a doctor! Towards the end of the week I thought I had started feeling better when pain came again, though in a mild form, when I played a bit of basketball. Probably I decided on no running on the third weekend as well, when I happened to have this conversation with a fellow runner. He kept insisting that what I had could just be a muscle pain, may be my diet is not good or may be I should try running a bit. From what I have read and what my knowledge of a newbie runner says, I shouldn't be running till I completely recover and I hadn't done that yet. But sitting at home was making me feel absolutely rusted.

Saturday morning I decided to go and run a bit. I was going very slow though. Most of the time Ashu, Jitha and myself kept having some funny conversation which kept us going. Anyways, we were going so slow that one of us kept taking a walking break in between. My leg wasn't feeling bad and I just kept going mile after mile but that day we hardly met any fellow runners from the group on our way. I ran last couple of miles with Jitha who was doing her longest run before her half Marathon on Labors day. I had planned to run Virginia beach Marathon with her despite the fact that that would have meant putting extra minutes to my run time. Here is something I read on one of the runners blog which holds so true in itself

Life (and running) is not all about time but about our experiences along the way.
-– Jen Rhines

So if I spend my time running this race with my room mate, who is also one of my best friends out here, no matter slow, I think it will be worth it. Now with my injured leg that becomes a necessity for me anyways :) Coming back to the Saturday run, once I finished, I was afraid that the pain was coming back but nothing could have been better than a nice long stretch (We most of the time do some Yoga) which finally left me feeling fit and better.

Now, a day after the run, I feel better than I felt on Friday. Also I had another conversation with that fellow runner who told me that he is having a similar pain (lol) and reiterated that he feels its just a muscle pain. That coupled with the fact that I am myself feeling better makes me optimistic but I still maintain my stand of going to a doctor the coming week.

Lessons learnt: Many of the things that I write here, I had already read in many veteran runner's blogs and advices but as it is said we learn from our own mistakes and only intelligent people learn from others mistakes. I never asserted that I belong to the later class.

-If you feel you have a running injury stop and let it heal before you make it worse and then stop for it to heal.

-Stretching after the races is crucially important and you might not even realize how much it can harm you unless it really does. I think may be it was insufficient stretching after Riley's Rumble which made my body stiff and left me injured.

-Cross training works wonders, it helped me recover and maintain my stamina while I was not running for 3 weeks.

-You are the best judge of your running ability and injuries.

-I think I am fit to run Virginia Beach Half Marathon in 2 weeks :)

Tales from Tennessee

2008-08-16T18:59:00.000-07:00

I am back form my hiatus! As a friend of mine told me that I have been "running" in the pictures in my last post for a long time, it's time for me to give myself a break and write a new post. Well a lot of things have been happening and not happening all this while.

To start with I attended my first conference last week and it was great. It took me to Knoxville, Tennessee which as my boss had told me wasn't going to be a happening sort of place. Though from what I had read, I knew that it was near Smoky Mountains and that could be planned as a good side trip but given the company (I couldn't expect my advisor to go hike with me) and the resources (driving???) I wasn't giving it much thought. Sunday morning we flew from Reagon Airport and landed in almost desserted airport in Knoxville. Co-incidently my advisor met her friend who was planning a trip to Smokies the same day and we just joined them. That was a plesant surprize and off we went to Smokies. I was a bit disappointed as I missed my sports shoes but only to realize later that the disappointment was not really called for.

Basically we just drove through part of Smokies and then rushed back for the registration. The conference was good and I think my talk was well received as well. I made a few friends, discussed work with a few people and had a welcome break for a few days. The banquet dinner was in the basketball court and women's hall of fame. After the dinner we could go and try our shooting skills. I wasn't for it, hadn't taken my sports shoes (missing them second time) and on top of that dressed in formals. Thought would just go and watch people trying their hand at it but shouldn't have expected this from myself. Knowing that how crazy I am, yielding to temptation for crazy things most of the times, shouldn't have expected that from myself. It was just fun and no game out there. So out I went trying my skills after about 2 years. Time hadn't worked much against my skills, not that I used to have an expertise at all. My shooting wasn't 'that' bad. I also some pictures to mark the moment :)

The hall of fame also has pictures and facts from the history of Women Basketball. Among other interesting facts I found that earlier women were not allowed to run through the entire court but only half, at one time the court was divided into 3 sections opposed to 2 in the present day game and at one time there was no dribble in the game. Later we were just walking through the gift store when I got one of those flattering compliments which I like to make a note of in publicly accessible areas like here. So a few people whom we met there told us that they had been watching us shoot and that I was the second best shooter out there [:)]. NOW, IT-BHU contemporaries are you listening??? The evening concluded with some bluegrass music which a couple of us enjoyed till the band concluded.

A few end notes:

I said things have been happening and there are things which haven't been happening. I talked about the former, what about the later?

-Well, Riley's Rumble left me severly injured and I haven't run for 3 weeks. Planning a trip to a doctor the coming week.

What lessons did my first conference teach me?

-Don't forget to take your running shoes, conference doesn't mean all work, there can be unexpected play and travel :)

-Don't be shy, go out and talk to people, about work and about everything else. People are there to talk.

So I explained a part of my absence from the blog: work and travel.

Snapshots from Riley's Rumble

2008-07-30T19:00:00.001-07:00

While I am on my way to recovery from the race, here are the snapshots that I found on the race website.

The start of the race.

This is after the turn around point, "smiling"!

The runners are welcomed back with all fun and humour.

All the pictures from the race are at http://www.mcrrcphotos.com/gallery/4097750_j3Vns#P-1-12 and the official race results are at http://www.mcrrc.org/racing/2008/20080727RileysRumble.htm

Riley's Rumble

2008-07-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

I am completely drained out of energy right now after running my longest distance ever this morning, 13.1 miles at Riley's Rumble half marathon. Though my pace was slower than what I do usually but I am glad that I could finish it comfortably and with a smile. Given the fact that my right knee had been hurting throughout the last week, I wasn't sure if I should be running it at all. I ran through the race without worrying about it much but just keeping my pace slightly controlled but it was after the race that the pain really started troubling me and also forced me to limp a little bit. I feel icing and swimming have helped me feel better but it might be a week or so before I can fully recover. I am gonna take it easy the coming week, might replace weekday runs by cross training unless I can get rid of this injury.

Talking about the race today, as I said, I was slow but I finished it comfortably. Took me 2:41:32 to complete the race. Riley's Rumble is a tough one, with lots of hills and downhills. It's a run through the country side and the weather wasn't that bad today. There were volunteers spread through out the trail who did a great job and there were also funny messages for the runners displayed at different points along the course. The first one that I saw was "Good things come to those who run, 3 miles, keep running" which was followed by "Think Tofu" after some distance. The one which I thought was most witty though, was " This is your last chance to turn back" just before the turn around point and just after the turn around point it said "There is no turning back from here now".

Being my first race, I am happy that I finished it comfortably but at the same time I know that I need to watch out my pace. Hopefully a week will be enough for recovery and then I can get back to the training with full flow again. Will post the race pictures if I manage to get my hand on them!

The first go

2008-07-23T18:30:00.000-07:00

I am gonna be running my first half Marathon the coming Sunday. The Longest that I have ran before this has been 12 miles and the 12 mile post has been such a welcome sign that I am scared of what that additional 1.1 mile is going to be like. That has always been the case though, as I have ran my longest ever distances weekend after the other over the last few months, I have always been scared thinking about it on Fridays but have made through them on Saturdays and comfortably most of the times. This time my right leg has also been hurting since the last Saturday run and I have been trying to take it easy. Didn't do the hills this tuesday but ran on the flat instead. Also went swimming today as I now realize how much does cross training help. It just heals the injury like a magic. My leg is feeling much better now and I hope it will continue to do so even after the run tomorrow. Now I think is the time when I am going to start sticking more seriously to my strength building exercises and cross training. Finally I have started a workout journal from today, had been planning to do so for a long time.

On the run

2008-07-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

I never knew what I was starting when I went with some friends to try my hand at basketball during the first year of my undergrad. Never having done anything which could even remotely be counted as a sporting activity, needless to say, I was miserable. I wasn't aggressive, wasn't brisk and on top of all the things I couldn't run. That day I decided that if nothing else I would at least run. I was horrible at the game even till I finished my undergrad, never remember myself scoring a point in a game. However, I not only got myself to run but also a few friends who would run along with me early in the morning even in those lazy last few days of engineering school.

Aforementioned would have been an ending good enough hadn't I come to US and the country renowned for obesity had started turning me into a shape called round. The solution wasn't far, I had to run. Running here added new dimensions for me because when I would get up and run at 6 in the morning, I would feel that the whole world is up and running. It's not just me, there are ever so many people on the trail and every runner out there was my motivation to run.

So, when a friend of mine told me that there is a group of charity organizations who train people for Marathon training run, I knew that I wanted to do it. At the same time I was introduced to the charity organization with which he was working. Association for India's development (AID) supports grassroots organizations in India and initiates efforts in various interconnected spheres such as education, livelihoods, natural resources, health, women's empowerment and social justice. Running a marathon and running with a logo of 'run for India', this was like a supreme combo and I didn't spend time grabing it quick.

It's already been two and a half months since I have been training for the Marine Corps Marathon 2008. It has been a totally rewarding journey so far and I think each mile has been paying me great dividends. I now see running not as 'just running' but it is so much more. It is about total fitness, mental and physical, determination and passion, endurance and strength, food and science, techiniques and strategies. Long runs are also about team spirit and togetherness. I am sure as the journey progresses, there is so much more to learn.

I'll be sharing this exciting journey of mine with my readers through this blog. You can be with me in this run and also support the cause for which I am running. The money that I will raise while I am preparing for the marathon will go to a charity organization working at grass roots in India. If you want you can donate the money for my cause here, nevertheless I would love it if you would drop by time and again just to read my experiences and give any inputs that you may have for me.

I've also been reading articles and stories about and for distance runners. Some of them are funny, some are inspirational and most of them are informative. Here is an article that I came across today and am sharing it as I enjoyed reading it.

See you at next mile POST!

Travelogue: Yosemite National Park

2008-07-18T20:52:00.001-07:00

This has been long pending. It's been 2 weeks since I returned from my trip to The Yosemite National Park and I was sure that I have to get this here. Totally my type of vacation where we just wondered in the woods and enjoyed plenty of nature for two days. Biking on day 1, rafting on the gentle water and hiking upto the Verner Falls on day 2, it was calm and peaceful, no worries and no thoughts of life beyond the vacation. A plunge into the cold river water was an intial deterrant but once into it, there was nothing like it.

Thoughts through and after the vacation: I love adventure trips and nature. I would love to pack my bags and get lost into the jungles, hills and valleys.

2008-07-11T22:17:00.000-07:00

Dead tired right now, we've got to move out of our present house tomorrow and it was a long day today. Job-studies-job followed by packing, which I just finished doing. Result being, my grumpy behavior towards my roomie :P Poor girl, must be thinking why she is moving in with me again into the new house! Wait for the pictures of my house in the move out mess and for those of my new house. I should be off to sleep now as I am not yet planning to quit the 12 mile long run tomorrow morning.

The Crash!

2008-07-01T17:33:00.001-07:00

Being a student (precisly a PhD student), one thing you are good at is delaying till the last moment. So the most recent deadline that I had was for the last monday i.e. yesterday and needless to say delayed things until Sunday night, till then, everything else was rated at a higher priority which can be read as Saturday long run followed by an even longer nap, dinner at an Indian restaurant, waking up Sunday morning starting some work but ending up playing badminton, followed by my newly imbibed interest in soccer, watched the final match of Euro cup and lastly going out with a friend and hitting a car! Once everything else allowed me to be free I devoted the night to my work only getting to a comfortable sleep at 5 in the morning. Well that said and done and after contributing another couple hours for the same the next day, I am successfully through the deadline. That means there has to be a break from work and I am off for the long weekend.

Just a thought crossed my mind today when I suddenly found myself remembering a clerk in my primary school who used to write a quote for students every morning with a very cautious hand in the finest hand writing. How we keep inummerable memories embedded in our minds which just flash upon us geared by some incident years later. How when I see the rain I always remember my house washed in rain and the school which used to flood with water. How summers always remind of the time when we used to go to nani's place and bunch of cousins used to play together. But sometimes I come across the memories which I don't even know why my brain thought it to be important to remember and that takes me by a surprize. Like I remember when I used to walk back home from school with my mom, I would sometimes sit outside a house along the way to have rest. I just remember a day when once a lady there, offered me water. Nothing significant, yet remembered. The lady would never have a hint that a stranger somewhere remembers a gesture of hers even a decade or more down the line. And then I come to think that so many strangers in this world would have remembered a strangers oblivious and forgotten acts who now sits and writes this here.

It’s been busy and tiring

2008-06-22T19:21:00.001-07:00

What a tiring weekend this has been. Started with the long run on the Saturday morning, 10.8 miles and needless to say that it left its after effects for the entire weekend. Added to that our landlord has been supportive in keeping things good and easy for us by demanding a speck less clean apartment while we leave (I will not go into our grievances of how it was when we moved into it initially). Part of the Saturday was dedicated to the cleaning campaign, followed by partying at night. Though I haven't been a party kind of person since I came to US (I don't know whether I should claim I was or wasn't before coming here), that day, we five girls just planned to go and tap our feet to some dance numbers. That was Saturday, which ended by ordering a pizza at 2 am and wishing that we had ordered a little more. Tried to read a bit of Harry Potter 7 before I fell asleep but that was nearly impossible with the kind of tiring day it had been. Sunday was no fun, cleaning, packing, cooking and realizing that it's already time to go to bed and I shouldn't be hanging here for long.

Bed time story telling!

2008-06-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

Now the summer is as busy as it can be and I am happy that learning from last time I did not expect it to be better. Added to it is my morning on campus job which starts at 8:30 and then the day stretches on till 10:00 in the night when I definitely try to retire to bed.

Let me tell you a bit about my new job which is at the Law School Media centre and where all I need to make my boss happy is to show him that I can measure the voltage across the battery with the device which he even forgets that he has in his drawer, a multimeter, then if I tell someone how they can change the ringing mode on their blueberry/blackberry (I dunno what it was, I had touched it for the first time in my life) that is impressive as well. If I can find out some information from the website that is good enough and in short I have to do really nothing by my standards. Sometimes I give company to my boss when he wathes TV and cheers Obama. Well, I must acknowledge that my knowledge about American politics has gone up by a big margin, now that I know that Hillary and Obama were both from the same democratic party and now that Hillary makes way for Obama on Saturday, he is gonna compete McCain. To be honest, it's all interesting and now may be sometimes I can show off among my friends (read as girls) who won't know as much as me about breaking news on CNN, courtesy my boss. Something that he said touched me though. He said that he supports Obama because he finds so much in common with him. Just like him his father was a black who married a white women in America but then went back to Kenya. Obama was then left with his mother and then he goes on, "similarly my father came from Ethiopia and married my white mother. After completing his studies he returned to Ethiopia and left me and my mother behind. Unlike Obama's mother my mother found it difficult to raise me and hence gave me for adoption but no body adopted me, so I grew up in an ...(I missed what he said) ". That made me feel terrible and I wished he hadn't told me his story. So that being said, I can imagine why people are so thrilled with Barak Obama heading to be the first Afro-American president of America.

It's about time for me to call it a day and say good night as the clock indicates elevenish. More later!

P.S. Finished Harry Potter 6 last week and started 7. Review for 6 on my Shelfari bokshelf!

All the characters in my blog posts are here assuming that they in real self will never ever wander around here. If they do, unfortunate for me and them :)

Biking this weekend...

2008-06-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

So I am happy that shedding away the tiredness and the aches left as the residuals of the 10K run yesterday I still yielded to the temptation today and went for Biking. It was awesome and added to that all my pains have disappeared like a miracle. Kritika, Jitha, Harwinder, Nikhil, Kaustubh and myself were the companions for the day.

Let the pictures say the rest...

2008-06-01T19:37:00.000-07:00

A new member arrives into our family!!!!

2008-05-29T20:56:00.000-07:00

My Bhabhi had a baby girl today and we are all so happy for the (touch wood) perfect family! Ofcourse I haven't seen her as yet, will share the pic as soon as I get it!

Weekend breaks!

2008-05-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

So the long weekend took me out to the fun side of DC. Went kayaking for the first time this season!

Another one dedicated to PhD!

2008-05-16T21:20:00.001-07:00

I have spent past 1 hour browsing PhD comics and here is one which I thought really needs to be here. Source-www.phdcomics.com

Summer is here again!

2008-05-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

So I am done with another semester and summer time is here. To start it off Yi hosted a barbecue party at his home which was quite fun. Can't forget that we were seated at the dinner table for 2 hours and eating all the time, from starters to desserts. The topics of conversation were as hot and engrossing as the dinner itself.

Also a good start to the summer is that the first paper that I had submitted about a month ago has been accepted for publication and now I am planning my trip to Knoxville, Tennessee for the conference in August. Hopefully I am looking forward to a fruitful summer work wise, I know it's gonna be good otherwise :)

I am enjoying listening to this online desi radio these days which really gives me a feel of radio channels back home which is so much fun to listen to specially in the evenings when I am at home eating Maggie with my room mate or just blogging!

So much into the habit of...

2008-04-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

...procrastinating! I was done with this class like a week ago and I had 1 full week to work on the report but I submitted it dot on time, 5 minutes before the deadline. I don't know if it is my work which keeps me busy or just the habit.

Just can't wait for this last class to be over!

2008-04-24T21:37:00.000-07:00

Went to a Zakhir Hussain concert today, was really nice. Now tired browsing ads for an apartment and off to sleep. Hope to start the day early tomorrow!

The lighter side of it!

2008-04-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

So those of you in grad school will definitely know about it, for those who aren't, here's the source http://www.phdcomics.com/. Yes, click the image for a better view. Enjoy it!

A little relieved...

2008-04-23T18:50:00.000-07:00

So as I am done with the course that had been occupying almost all my nights and days, I feel so much relieved! Not that I am done yet, have another project to do and then of course start with my summer research work. Summer is going to be interesting I hope, seems to be inviting time of the year with no classes and no time schedule. I remember last year I was so excited about it and had tons of plans when my friend who is also a doctoral student reminded me that summer is going to be busier than the semester. I didn't realize this unless one month into it. Lots of work and this time also coupled with lots more expectations of my advisor. Two years into the program now, she won't just let me peace out!

However, one of my plans for the coming months is to get trained for the marathon that I plan to run in October. If that surprises some of you, that has been on my list of things to do for about an year now and I think I am just gonna do it this time. The training is to start in May and for that I am gonna prepare myself from now, that means back to my regular jogging schedule.

Tired!!!!!!!!

2008-04-19T14:02:00.000-07:00

I am still working on the same project and I am stuck now, it's just not working. Spent half of the day today, trying to debug a thing which is still where I started. And I am sooooo tired now. Just can't wait for it to be tuesday and am curious to know how much I will be done with.

Some friends had planned to go for a party tonight and I dunno if we are going or not. I sort of wanna go as this work has started banging my head now. It's interesting though, I love it but I just wish I had started it a bit earlier. Well, I always end up wishing for that but I am some how incapable of doing that. So let me face the truth, that I've got to work consistently for these couple of days!

Haha, another thing, me and my roomie are going to start a joint gossip blog, where we will write the funny roomie talk! Needless to say it's going to be locked. So you've got to persuade me if you want access to that, and I may still deny :) Ya, may be you could become a fellow writer, if you've got some stuff to write about your present or ex-roomies!!!!

Back to work for now!

Updates from my end

2008-04-16T17:45:00.000-07:00

Finally got one of the temperature sensors to respond in some way today. Last few days have been little stressful and busy. Was busy working for the project for my students, which did not work eventually and we had to ease down the requirements, something that they think is a norm in this school and always happens with final projects. UUUUUUhhhhh...and now working for my own project. Now since I got something to work today, it gives me hopes that I might just not be blank on the last day of the class and will have something to show to the Prof. Nevertheless, this class this semester was real good. Just waiting for tuesday, for it to be over and then I can sit and relax a bit.

Last few days have also taught me a few important lessons. Its very important to appreciate the efforts of others. The kind of person you are is judged and reflected in tough circumstances. It's important that you love and value your work, only then you can deliver your best to it. And in the end, you just can't help loving Prof. Ahmadi, he is simply awesome!

Assignments!!!!

2008-04-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

I am so bored doing this embedded systems assignment. It's been 9 hours since morning, though I got most of the things working today but it'll still take about 4-5 hours before I can say that this is DONE!!! That's not the end though, after that I have another assignment and a project to do (assignments are mini projects in themselves). I am a bit scared now that I have just a week more in hand and a few things in my project, I have no idea how I am going to implement them. Huuuuuuuuh. Will get back here when my mind stops working and I need a break!

Winter break: Synonym laziness?

2007-12-31T10:20:00.001-08:00

I have been doing nothing but lazing around for past 10 days. This is in actual contrast to 10 days before that, when I had no time to eat, sleep, drink or in short to pause. I had just been waiting for it all to be over for a while and longing to get this break. I had to get done with my semester exams, some randomly schedules interviews, some paper work and get done with the lab course I was supervising. All this was fun, no doubt but still I was waiting for the moment when I will be done and sleeping in the flight, way back home for a welcome break. 10 days down the time, I think I have got all I wanted from this break, some pure relaxation, no worries about any deadline to be met, late nights and late mornings, good food and all fun. I think I am ready for some work now, not that the break is over though!

Now that I have thought of this, I am planning to resume second part of this vacation in equally relaxing but less idle manner. Let's see what I come up with, keeping in mind that I have been wanting to start with this, every day in past 10 days. Procrastination has reached a limit that I haven't been replying e-mails (forget about writing on my own) and have been lazy even to make phone calls to friends, who would drop by to meet me anytime, if I let them know I am home. Well, I claim that these breaks are of meant to catch up with friends! My diary has been waiting for me all this while without a touch of ink. Perhaps I haven't been fair to it throughout 2007, something which can't be helped now!

So, what I am here for, to make some New Year resolutions like…blah blah? Not much I expect from myself. Can I just shed this lazy cocoon and get to doing something? You would know, if you get to see me leave a mark here quite a few times during the first couple of weeks of the coming year, you would know that the New Year zeal at least worked for the rest of my winter break!

Wrong place wrong time

2007-10-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't be here right now but with books instead, mugging up for my exam. I am sorry I just couldn't resist the temptation because of the kind of day I've had! Nothing special but a little contemplative and speculative day when you just feel like pracrastinating your work. I've been doing just the same. Got up at noon and thought of making the remainder of the day productive. Can't say it wasn't at all but not the way I wanted it to be. Spend most of the day chatting and talking to my friends, on phone and internet, those who are so far yet closer to me than most of those who are around. I am not taking any risks as I know none of them are going to read this, neither those who are around nor those who are far and whom I am talking about!So if you are reading this you immediately know you are not an addressed character.

Spent two hours talking to one of my closest friends and the bottom line of the conversation was that we should do what we really want to do in life and what makes us happy. The irony is that we are all taught this as a basic fact from the very beginning but after all how many of us dare to do that, to follow ones heart and to live life in present, not planning about future. She was very right when she said that when she looks around at all her friends (our friends) she feels that all of us living for the sake of it and none of us is truely happy...BUT WHY? (This makes me a little sad and my mind immediately jumps to RDB when Aamir says, "college में हम दुनिया को नाचते हैं और college के बहार दुनिया हमे नाचाती है!") She doesn't want to compromise but wants to go ahead and live life the way she wants do and do what she desires. I appreciate and compliment her on her decision!!!

Well she doesn't stop here, goes ahead and classifies all our friends into the kind of people they are. One category of people who will succumb to whatever life has to offer and may be crib about but make no evident effort to get out of it, second category of people who would like to change things around but at the same time would play safe. They wait until they think the right time has come. Third type of people who just want to go ahead and do whatever they want taking whatever risk it asks for. Fourth category is interesting but also a little strange. These are sort of people who want to create their own kind of small world in which they want to live, forgetting whatever is outside it. May be they want to escape something or just want to get rid of it or simply to avoid it as long as possible. She herself falls in the third category and my other friend falls in both 2nd and 4th (her classifications!). I was confused that which one is the one to which I belong? Her answer was that she doesn't think that I have faced a situation where my response could be a reason to put me in any one of those!
Well, let me classify myself then. I would say that I fall in 1st, 2nd and 4th from situation to situation though it is the 3rd one where I would like to see myself. That's what this dwelling is all about! What % of my life am I living to my terms and the rest automatically falls into "for the sake of it" category. All this churning atleast made me realize the importance of appreciating where ever I am and whatever I am doing. If for any reason I am unable to do that, I should better get rid of that reason or get out of that place and better start doing something else! Life is to fickle to fake oneself.
I would have written more but unfortunately or fortunately I got an e-mail from her just as I was writing and it was in the priority mail category! Replied that and that also wiped out whatever I had more in my mind. Also as the clock indicates towards 2:30 am I should get alarmed. Two messages as I leave....sorry Kaps I haven't made the corrections yet, though they do not seem to be mistakes but blunders and Manish (not for my brother), hopefully you find this one interesting unlike my last few posts, I think this is something like what you were looking forward to, not that I have written this paying heed to your comment :P

Examination blues!

2007-10-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

My big exam is fast approaching on 25th and I haven't geared up till now but I really should if I want to clear it!!! So I have decided that I should study harder and keep writing about it here so that my readers can keep me motivated :) Have wasted the entire saturday doing basically nothing and also seem to have already given up my plan to sleep early so that I could start early tomorrow! Anyways signing off for now...waiting for motivation :P

At times I am not original!

2007-10-02T23:43:00.000-07:00

Couldn't have expressed myself in better words, so what if words are not mine! Those of you into gazals will appreciate and recognize this as one of the best and for those of you not into it let me tell you that this one is one of my favourites from Jagjit Singh!

मुझ को यकीं है सच कहती थी जो भी अम्मी कहती थी
जब मेरे बचन के दिन थे चाँद में परियां रहती थी

एक ये दिन जब अपनों ने भी हमसे नाता तोड़ लिया
एक वो दिन जब पेड़ की शाखें बोझ हमारा सहती थी

एक ये दिन जब साड़ी सड़कें रूठी रूठी लगती हैं
एक वो दिन जब आओ खेलें सारी गलियां कहती थी

एक ये दिन जब लाखों गम और काल पड़ा है आंसू का
एक वो दिन जब एक ज़रा सी बात पे नदियाँ बहती थी

मुझ को यकी है सच कहती थी जो भी अम्मी कहती थी
जब मेरे बचपन के दिन थे चाँद में परियां रहती थी

...and so this one becomes the first hindi post on my blog. Kapil told me about this new google feature a few months back and I think this is really cool!

2007-09-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

Well I thought I will stop giving titles to my post, now that I have to really think for one, each time. It's better to avoid it rather than coming up with something absurd!!!!

So this is my third sem in grad school and I thought this one isn't going to be that hectic but sorry, I take my words back. Ya, surely though I am enjoying it. Sigh! that my summer work is yet far from completion, everytime I tell myself, it's OK, I am learning but then how long? Sometimes I feel, is it just that I am stupid? Apart from that, I really do not want to study for this qualifying exam but I have to. I don't get it why should I appear for the same courses again which I have already done once and which I have no inclination of repeating. I am rather interested more in reading for the new courses that I've taken this semester. Anyways, I just can't have everything according to my own wishes.

Feeling a little sad as well right now, nothing as such though but one of those moments when I start brooding that why life, what do I accomplish, what for and so on and I know, the sooner I take my mind off this, the better for me :)

Oh ya, let me share this with you....I went to a blood donation camp, waited for an hour though I had an appointment, doctor tested my iron level and said that he wasn't sure if it was optimum and will have to take another test. I was praying it will be OK and so it turned out to be. Took my temperature and pulse rate...everything fine, took my BP and said it was low, I knew it as I had measured it myself once but later had consulted a doctor who said it was low but within normal range. I was scared that he won't let me donate but he just reiterated what the previous doctor had said so I was healthy enough to donate. Then I filled an online questionairre and that was fine too...................and finally:

Doctor: Have you been outside US for past 5 years? If yes, where and for how long?.

Me: hehe..."I have spent my entire life outside US, came here just a year back. I am an Indian".

Doctor: I am sorry people from India cannot donate blood unless they have stayed in US for atleast 3 years! They might have been exposed to Malaria.

Me: It's Ok! Thank you!

Randomness continues....

2007-08-31T21:32:00.000-07:00

Hehe don't be mistaken, this is just a fake and that's what I intend it to be :) Well my room mate put in her efforts to prepare a wonderful meal on the occasion of onam and it was first time that I was marking it in my lifetime. Not only the food was scrumptious but it also had a definite order in which it had to be eaten. I guess 'sadhya' is the correct term for their (I mean people of Kerela) organized meal for this occasion. If my efforts were involved, those were just on the eve of the festival where I volunteered my services to chop the veggies!

That was for Onam and as to my work, I was a little worried lately as I don't seem to be getting the results that I want after 3 months of work! Didn't work much over the last week feeling bad about the fact that I might have to give up in between as I've got to prepare for my qualifying exam along with the semester that starts on 3rd. Did a little bit of shopping and time wasting in order to get out of that gloomy and dejected mood! Finally I made up my mind today that I will continue this work over the next month as well and we might just be able to send our work for the upcoming symposium.

So much so and now the weekend. As for last 1 month, I'll be studying most of the time on Saturday and Sunday and don't know what I'll be doing on Monday! Wish to relax, though haven't been really working hard these days!

Just Random

2007-08-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

I know I am back after a long time, more than a month perhaps! Also I know that my fans have been waiting for updates from my side [:P] A lot of thing have been happening and I am glad that most of them are taking good shape these days. Emerging from the lonely and miserable feelings dominant a couple of weeks back I am again into those normal cheerful and active modes. Co-incidently as I write this I realize that today I completed a year in US. When I started writing I didn't know that this was coming but now as I suddenly remember this I will also venture into saying some things which people do say to commemorate anniversaries and conventionally again you've got to bear with that, with a sigh or a smile!

Well, here are some pics that I took on one of my ramblings around DC...

I never realized when I came to this place that I am going to like it so much in a year. I thought it was just another city with shoe boxes in name of buildings and nothing that impressive to offer. This city is all what I would have wanted it to be. One of the major cities, yet not that crowded, close to nature, art, culture and adventure. What else I could have asked for? Also added to this is the fact that we live in downtown DC!

We went to attend the wireworks on 4th July i.e. American Independance Day...those of you with good GK would have already known, those like me who didn't know till they landed here can know it now!

[Credits to Nikhil for the pictures, as I think that such moments should be enjoyed fully rather than adultrating them with efforts to capture them in camera...but thanks Nikhil, you are generous with your efforts!

It's 19th August today which means that our 60 years old Indian counterpart has just said goodbye! Here are the glimpses

Some of us just went down to the Indian Ambassador's house to attend the flag hoisting (privilegde of being in DC again!).

One of the other day we walked down to Kennedy Centre to watch this play "The Phantom of the Opera". I can hardly go on to describe how amazing and awesome (that's just the right word here, do not take it as an after effect of a year in US :))the sets and the performances were. Definitely the best theatre performance that I have seen so far, not that I have seen many (or any) outside college or at millenium theatre in Kennedy Centre itself! What needs to be mentioned here is that we were just lucky to get cheap student ticket for $10 else we might have ended up paying $70 for it but ya it would still have been worth it just that it would have weighed on my heart for a couple of days!

My God I have wondered into utmost degree of randomness now but let me just continue...sometimes orderliness has just no fun. Well I am listening to radio and its playing one of those lovely songs which my roomie used to play, back during hostel days. AMAZING!!!

[mai kaise kahun janeman

mera dil kahe tere hi baat

ye aakhon ki siyahi

ye hoton ka ujala

yahi hain mere din raat!!!]

I made this spanish omlette which is one of the recollections of wonderful 2 months spent in Italy. It looked so lovely (let's leave discussion about the taste for later) that I just felt like clicking a snap for future references! Well I don't know if my cooking has improved at all in this one year ya but my efficiency has improved for sure. I could make Bhindi sabji and Roti and get down to eating in an hour's time which is good enough I think! Easy victim to palatable food that I am, living in US has definitely made me health and calorie concious and good for me, if I want to be recognizable when I go back home. Even I wouldn't have believed myself earlier that I could go on diet for a week. That was last week, me and my roomie did a week's diet! All fruits, vegetables and almost no carbohydrates. We will almost starving the first day but it was better by each passing day!

Life during past 1 year has been full of ups and downs, I would say most difficult part was the time midway between coming here and now. Things are always pleasant in the beginning as there are so many things to keep us engrossed. It's when those things seep into day to day life and all new faces have become known that we start thinking what we've left behind and what we have, we start to compare, we begin to expect, begin to fail some expectations and begin to break some unwanted restraints that things start to fall into shambles but its only then when we realize what holds us strong and learn to value it! One year down the timeline things have already settled a lot for me.

:)

2007-07-25T21:08:00.000-07:00

"You have the most lovely smile, most women in Washington DC walk with a face like...(make a droopy gloomy face)...and so its pleasure to meet you every day". Haha let me boast a little to say that that was a compliment I received one day as soon as I walked into my engineering building's work floor!!! Now I thought since I don't get such compliments each day then why not better record it. Comments awaited :P

[This was written a long time back and saved as a draft but now I don't want to postpone it any longer!]

My celebrity look alikes!!! Though I fail to recognize any of those :), let me know if you do :P

2007-07-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

Hehe... seems like I am on a copying spree these days as far as blog ideas are concerned! Got this one from Anis' blog!

My Bookshelf

2007-07-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

Just added my bookshelf to my blog page (stealing the idea from weiying's blog!). Haven't added all the books as yet, plan to do it sometime at leisure (which may mean delaying it by quite a long time, afterall such a lazy creature I am). Well I had planned to do it but didn't know there existed an option like this, so happy that I waited till this option just randomly came by :) Though it's in the crudest form right now and I haven't added any reviews, all the books that I have read and a list of my favourites. It will be fun to do all that and I am excited to do that but somehow I can't do it right now.

Well now that I am already into it let me also tell you what has kept me occupied for last month rather month and a half. I have been busy with my research work. I had plans for summer as if it's gonna be a 3 month long vacation when I'll be able to dilly dally around, working and having ample leisure time in my bag. Believe me, nothing of that has happened even in a bit as my research has kept me so busy. No results so far just trying. So here's the first lesson to a PhD student...got to be patient as things are gonna take their own time... and ofcourse the other one even more important...there are no holidays in a way to PhD...just voluntary breaks but don't feel guilty about them anyways!

Crazy all the way

2007-05-02T20:42:00.000-07:00

Grad school is so crazy. I have been working hard for past couple of weeks. Its like sweating yourself in winters! Just got over with a presentation today. The fun thing about grad school is that you work for yourself and for fun. Work itself is the reward and you just fall in love with it...atleast I do! We were just a class of 6 for this course and 4 of us sat down for a pizza after the presentation thing was done...just having fun and having some discussions, some arguments and some debates. Thought I would relax a bit today and gear up tomorrow for the next presentation day after. Well, forgot to tell you that we all decided to meet again for the take home exam! This is crazy all the way but I am still loving it!!!!

Journey Journal

2007-02-02T16:35:00.000-08:00

Time to talk about my first journey back home which happened to be just 4 months after I arrived here to US, Washington DC to be precise. It happened so that I had to take a shuttle to the Dulles airport. My flight was scheduled for 2:30 in the afternoon so I left the house at around 11 am so as to be on the safest side, after all my last travel alone hadn't been most successful one (leave alone the trip from Delhi to DC, credit to my parents who came to see me off at the airport). That time I was to catch a train from Varanasi to Lucknow which I missed, accredited to wonderful roads and traffic of Varanasi, that too during monsoons (but i truly miss it now!). The only good that it might have begotten, must have been a victorious feeling to my father, of having made a successful prediction that I will be slack enough to miss it. Well there can be many more things to be talked about that journey...the people who were with me...the train suddenly started and came to a halt...etc but right now I am here to write about another one! So to devoid my father of the same glory again, I was on running well ahead with respect to time.

My flight was US airways and so the shuttle dropped me at its entrance. There was a long queue for check in so I silently appreciated myself for being there in advance. The queue was slowing drifting ahead but I wasn't bothered as long as it did at all. I was busy using my phone magnanimously before it would stop working as I would fly out of US. Good enough that between all this enthusiasm I heard a lady(US airways employee) ask the flight information of the passengers in queue. Graciously she in informed me that my flight is operated by united airways and I was supposed to go at the counter at the farthest end! Well all that being over and the flight already being delayed for about half an hour I boarded one of the dingiest plane I had ever seen. Even after that the flight kept getting late minute by minute until it all added up such that the flight took off from DC at 5 pm while it was supposed to be at New York at 4 pm. Still some how I was assured of getting my connecting flight from NY to Delhi at 7:15pm unless I really experienced all what was due for me at JFK (John F. Kennedy International Airport).

It was around 6 pm when the flight landed and let me mention that it was my first occasion to be at JFK. It is a huge airport and you really have to move around from terminal to terminal using the air shuttle. By the time I figured out the terminal where I had to go, got into the air train, realized that it was the wrong one, got down, got up in the right one, I found myself running towards the Air India check in desk which was already announcing the boarding. Unfortunately I reached there only to find that the counters where being cleaned up, was directed towards another small counter where I heard the most fearful words till then, 'sorry ma'am you missed your flight!'. What next? "You board the same flight 24 hrs later!". Nooooo..!

I was accommodated in a hotel by Air India (with 2 free meals) where the reception counter said "service for distressed passengers", I found the words themselves so distressing. Well now that things were settled for the day the realization came to me that I hadn't done justice to my appetite since morning. I went into the restaurant where the buffet had been served. To be on the safer side (being a vegetarian), I opted for rice, baked potato and salad. Here went the first morsel in my mouth and there I realized that something had gone wrong. Heading straight to one of the waiters I asked him what the salad was made of. He modestly replied, 'Madam, let me confirm if it is tuna or chicken'. Forget it, the answer was immaterial. I felt even more wretched than what I had felt on missing my flight. Then I thought may be it was one of those days when everything goes wrong. Back to my room, I had to decide about my flight from Delhi to Lucknow and also what I was going to do the next day.

I rescheduled my domestic flight and decided to roam around in New York before taking my flight in the evening. Took a metro and went to Times Square. Finally I was happy that things had started turning the positive way as I enjoyed the place. It was happening and vibrant. After being a 'distressed passenger' for about 24 hours I had to reach on time for my homeward flight now. As I said that the things had started turning the positive way for the day, so no more troubles till I reached Delhi and you know your flight being late by a couple of hours is not a trouble at all.

Reaching Gurgaon, I met my friends, it was a great time but this post is not about all that, its about my journey...so fast forward a day, its time to leave for Lucknow. I had to leave for the airport but one of my friend insisted that I should meet her before I left the place. I thought I could just make it, may be I should have kept in mind that when things go wrong they all go wrong in series...but then also when trouble arrives, mind deserts us first. I met her for only a few minutes and then left for the airport. It was just about an hour for my flight to depart and I was incessantly praying that I should be in time for my flight. Just then, a few jerks and the taxi came to a halt. One of the tyres had punctured and the driver had to change it. Its sounds so cliched that your taxi might get punctured while you are running just in time for the journey but it does happen at times. Well I reached the airport, my nerves already beginning to ditch me, when another issue came into picture. The e-ticket which I had printed did not have the flight details so I should get another ticket from the airlines counter, did that and tried to re-enter when one lady was standing right in the middle of the entrance saying goodbye to her daughter and blocking my way in the process. In hurry my trolley hit her a little and she frowned back but didn't give me way. Knock again and she did give me way this time. May be I was a little rude then but sorry I was in a hurry. Reached the airlines counter, oh no, then came the realization that I didn't have cash to pay for the extra baggage. Also I had forgotten to get my luggage scanned. Went out again, wasn't sure if my card was going to work in the ATM machine there but that was the only option to count upon. I hit the ATM of Canara Bank but my card won't allow me to enter...what if it doesn't work...I am stuck...try the card the other way...one sigh of relief, I am in...put it in the machine...what account I have to withdraw it from???...my mind isn't working...try what sounds familiar...how much to withdraw???...it was supposed to be 20 rs per kg...just withdraw 500...PROCESSING TRANSACTION...hope its not just a error message generation...some sounds...oh its money! Rush back to the airport, get the luggage scanned, reach the counter...the employees confirm with each other, "Are we still allowing check in?"...please say yes!!!..."Yes we are". Sigh of relief but you have to pay 420 rs for luggage, its 70 rs per kg. Did I read it wrong? Yes I did. Anyways instinct had directed me to withdraw sufficient amount and now I just had to get in. Inside the flight I just went and slept and got up only when the plane was landing. I AM HOME and no more to bother now...till I fly back...that 15 days later.

FWD FWD 15days

Flying Air India??? God bless you!!! Its always late by at least 2-3 hours. Have a connecting flight??? You need the blessing even more! All the time in flight from Delhi to NY I was trying to predict if I'll be on time for my next flight though it was scheduled after 5 hours. I mocked at myself when I recalled that I had been arguing with the travel agent that I do not want to stop for 5 hours at NY. I wanted the same flight which they had scheduled earlier, after 2 hours. That flight being cancelled they had put me on initially, they put me on the one which I was to board now. Pleeease I just didn't want to be stuck again for a day!

Flight delayed by a few hours...still to clear the immigration check... collect the baggage...inquire the terminal...and then to reach there. Another hour gone in the process, I reach the Air India service counter where I am to know the terminal where I am supposed to go. No one's at the counter, there is a loooooooooong queue, roughly an hour to go for my flight, by the time the person at the desk arrives and I clear the queue I would have probably missed the flight. Few minutes of wait...panic...panic...panic. An employee arrives, announces the way for the passengers missing their flight to head to...every one's gone and its just me. OK, tell me the terminal so that I can run. Run...run...run...reached the terminal but where's the entrance? All of them are blocked and I went around almost 3 times. Then I followed some passengers who had to enter the same terminal, someone opened one of the doors from inside and all of went in. A lady on duty soon drove everyone away but I didn't care, just went to the airlines and showed them the ticket for the check in. Response: "Ma'am you missed your flight"..."but how come, its a domestic flight and there are still 45 minutes to go?" ...Checked again, "OK ma'am you can check in". Ran to the terminal again to find that the flight hadn't yet arrived...coooooooool, I'll be home tonight no more worries and apprehensions...The End. On the flight I read an article which said that its not happiness but misery which is more riveting...how true!

Aaj Kal

2006-12-07T21:55:00.000-08:00

Have been bugging my head, designing a chip for past one week, sitting in lab day in and day out. Just called a friend for a normal chit chat and he tells me that it is snowing outside. The very word made us jump (me and other few Indians) and we go out to find that there are some really flimsy flakes falling from the sky. Raised my head and looked up to the sky and it was one of the most beautiful feelings. This was the first snow of my life and in a while I rushed back to work. And then the only things swarming my mind were metal1 metal2 poly contact...unless disturbed by the usual argument of one of my fellow team members!

Back to school days!

2006-10-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

I have my first mid term exam tomorrow and have been studying for it most part of the day. This feeling has been coming to me again and again as if I am back to school days. While most of my friends have made this repellant word 'exam' a thing of past, I am still having to face it. With it come all the memories of past school and college exams, some of which really scared me like hell and others which were given and forgotten. It's not that through this piled experience in giving exams, I no more fear them, it still makes me scary but I have learned to take it a easy!
The fact that college here is called school, is not only a difference in words. Unlike in college where carrying a notebook or even a pen to class speaks against your tag of being 'cool', this is a place where we carry big bags like the ones we used to carry in school. Infact the cool dudes (sadly me not being one of them) of my school also never carried as heavy bag as I do now. Added to that is a water bottle! Now who won't say that I am back to school days! Well, I forgot to mention that people here write with pencil instead of pen while I remember that in my childhood school using a pen was an indication that a student belonged to junior section unlike primary section where students used pencils. Back again is the sincerety in doing 'unique' homeworks and assignments which was badly done away after four years of specialization in group activity and team work.
The only thing missing from this school is the school assembly with the daily prayer, pledge and a thought of the day, where many a times a student will hurriedly rattle off 'lost time is never found again'. It is now that I sit and brood over it and conclude that may be lost time can be lived again if not as a whole then in packets.

Let's move on!

2006-10-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

Here I am again, burning the mid night oil, working, chatting and listening music. Anice has already gone to sleep and it’s been over 2 hours. The last post came 15 days after I had been in US and this one comes a month and a half after that. Let me take you through the intervening time. I have started enjoying the work and also started liking the work culture in a way. You can walk in and out of the class just when you like, your teacher is just an e-mail away whenever you want, have done away with the habit of sitting in a crowded class of fifty people where you are fairly safe from scrutiny unless sitting right under the nose of the professor. Also this is the world where you have to take things head on, a place where a student will tell you on face that ‘probably we need a better teacher’. There have been weekends where I have incessantly spent hours doing homework and other weekdays where I have sloughed the whole day and spent the night doing simulations in lab. But what could have been a better experience than sitting together with your students all night, working, watch them work, have a coffee together in the morning at 4:30 and then continue with the regular class from 9 to 12. It was a nice sleep that I had coming home that day. Most of the times there are projects, proposals, assignments and exams to free my mind of extra exertion, thinking about things which would make me feel down and depressed.

Despite these, there are times when I can’t help myself from thinking of what is lost and what it is that I have got. It is miserable to miss my friends, who had become such a natural and essential part of me. It’s worse when I realize that it’s the same for them. It’s hard for me, it’s hard for them and it’s hard for everybody. Wish life would go back, by a few months when we were in last year in college, by an year or so when I was in Italy, having fun with all new friends and yet I knew I will be back home again, by a year and a half when we went for a college tour, by a couple of years when we spent most of the time bickering with our classmates or why not by four years when I had just joined college! It would be great even if it could take me back to my school days. But alas these are all but dreams and the fact is that dreams seldom come true and this one would never.

Probably this is one of the loneliest phases in my life, that too after the best one. It’s a sudden jolt as if I have been aroused from a lovely dream just to realize that life is not a bed of roses. Let me tell myself ‘This is life, it happens, it happens with everybody, if today with you, tomorrow with me and day after with someone else and life must go on’. Now I know, some people to whom these words will sound familiar and for whom these are intended will get the meaning out of it! Let’s move on for we don’t even have a better choice.

Right here right now...

2006-09-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

About 2 years back, I recall that 3 of us were sitting in power systems lab in our department at BHU and as usual were having a chat session. Here let me also venture out to mention that we somehow relished this process of conversing in labs and thats why our group will be the last one to finish the experiment and take an extra 15 minutes at the lab, what other groups would just do in half an hour. People would just wonder what we had been doing this long while the matter of fact was that we worked only for the last half an hour of that long session. The rest was dedicated to our discussions, a sample of which you are just going to witness. Though let me confess that they were not always intellectual and they also wondered into subjects like why Telugu language has no unique word for 'father-in-law'. Well, on that particular occasion our discussion was about our career objectives, what we wanted to do and above all why we wanted to do what we wanted to do. Surprizingly all 3 of us agreed that life of an academician was very much close to what we wanted. Freedom of thought, freedom of implementing your thoughts and I had a conviction that it will never let me stagnate. Some discussions are such that they are never forgotten and this one was one such for me. It's been 4 months since we left college, all 3 of us headed to different places and here I am verifying the gist of our gabfest.
What a feeling it is to see all the strange faces around me, when I know that all whom I knew I have left behind, when I know that all has to start afresh and again, these are those times when I often wonder 'what am I doing?' It's been almost 15 days here and a thought often crosses my mind that did I really need to come to this alien land inorder to achieve all that I wanted or is this what I wanted to achieve at all? The phase of life that I enter now is that of a graduate student, something that I wanted to be, decided to be about 2 years back. Getting into it now what I wonder most about is that do I have to question myself now? This is something that has allured me, the world of an academician, which has potential to give a man wings to fly or atleast this is the picture of it which I portray in my mind at this point of time when I just begin to start a foundation to a career in this field. So what are the realities with which my dreams have met in these 15 days...
It offers me complete independance, more than even what the hostel life did for the past four years and academically more than what my last 4 years of under graduate studies did. I feel like like a baby bird which when taught to fly, is left on its own to explore the world. Now I am not only a student but also a part time professional so there goes a slow transition from one phase of life to the other but it will surely be a while before I get out of one and go into the other. It brings anxiety, it brings nervousness and I see a revitalized image of myself.
The cultural shock in this world comes to me uninvited though I thought it wouldn't be a big deal, it really isn't but it doesn't go unnoticed. There's a culture where students sit upright in class, stand up and wish the teacher when he/she enters the class and treat them much differently than their peers, here's the culture where a student enters the classroom with a cup of coffee, never bothers if the teacher has entered the classroom and says 'Hey Prof, I just dropped in to say hi to you'. I cite these comparisons not because I really compare but just to say that things will take a while before they sink in.

Looking ahead...

2006-08-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

One of those times when I am set thinking about life, questions hovering around and there are no answers even in the farthest sight. What if…? Should I have…? Would it have been better to …? What next…? Have I complicated my life when it could have been easy and simple but would I have been happy then? Are the dreams that I am pursuing misleading me and will they leave me empty handed? Is it really always lonely on the top? Will I desperately miss all what I leave behind to reach the top? If so then this road is not worth treading…
I wish I had answers to all these but wishes are not always granted. Who knows what lies ahead but time.

Looking back...

2006-08-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

I find it so pleasant to look back at times but when I do, there are left such dividing feelings in my heart. It’s a kind of pain which I could have avoided if I wouldn’t have cared to stop. When I visited my college on the last weekend just to meet my friends and juniors, it was a feeling other than anticipated. Though the place was familiar, it had lost the touch of belongingness. There had crept in a feeling which made me alien to the very place by which I had identified myself.
Another day, I was just passing by my school with a friend, after watching a movie. Whenever I do so there is an ineluctable impulse to spot some familiar face which is most often met by dashed hopes. That day was an exception to the case as I chanced upon some recognition, met three of my teachers. Well, this drew me to school the next day, the place where I had spent four years of my life as a student. There were familiarities but then there were changes as well. When I went into the classroom where we had spent our last year at school, there was the present batch of students. Now they thought of themselves as the smartest people as we did when we were at their stage and see the irony that now I looked upon them as mere kids!
Then again, my childhood friends, my friendship with whom has traveled a long way (touchwood!), are such a treasure. This time when I went out with a friend and she suggested having some ‘laiya chana’, I simply asked, “ek ka ya do ka”. Unable to get what I implied, she responded, “paach ya dus ka milega”. It was then that I realized that perhaps it’s really been a long way that we’ve traveled. I tried to recall that when was it that I had ‘laiya chana’ last time. That was when we had been in school together, more than ten years back. A vendor used to be there outside our school and we would have ‘laiya chana’ after the school was over, for a rupee or even for fifty paisa. Even the face of the vendor is very familiar to my memory as he used to chat with us, ‘gudia ab kis class mein hai?’, while he prepared one for us. Well though all events are memories of past now, I am glad that my friend is still by my side. At least a few things in life last forever!
As I pack my bags now, I have prepared a most precious baggage which holds all my memories, those of my childhood days, those from school, those from college, those of my friends and those of my teachers, those of all the people whom I have met and who have mattered to me in the way to this stage. The best part is that there are no constraints for this baggage!

Moby Dick by Herman Melville

2006-06-21T06:06:00.000-07:00

A combination of a documentary and fiction, which gives almost all that one would like to know about whales and whaling. This is intertwined with a story of a one legged Captain Ahab, “a Khan of the plank, and a king of the sea, and a great lord of Leviathans”.
Captain Ahab’s sail is governed by his desire to quench his vengeance against a white whale, Moby Dick, which devoured his leg during the previous voyage. The irony lies in the fact that the captain risks the lives of the entire crew to fulfill his sole act of retribution against a ‘dumb thing’ which crippled him out of ‘blindest instinct’. We are stunned by his lunatic resoluteness when he turns down the request of another Captain to assist him in the search of his lost son in lieu of his mission. But soon we are introduced to the softer side of the Captain when he talks of “Forty years of continual whaling! Forty years of privation, and peril, and storm time! Forty years on the pitiless sea! ”. He seems to regret the fact that despite of his existence his wife has lived the life a widow and his son, that of an orphan. Still he declines the behest to trace a backward journey to home, resorting to fate to defend his decision.
With each chapter the reader sails in Pequod (the ship) through its eventful journey, being a part of it from watching the preparations before sail to finding himself on board, sailing among the infinite vastness of the sea. Simultaneously we are introduced to the history of whaling, the dignity of the profession and its grandness. By the time we face an encounter with Moby Dick we have learnt about the anatomy and habits of a whale, how a whale is caught, captured and the extracts obtained from it.
The reader is kept in suspense about the fate of Pequod and Captain Ahab till the end, when he is left stunned by the lamentable devastation which leaves behind only “the great shroud of the sea”. The appreciable quality of the work is that despite of the major part being a documentary the interest of the reader is maintained by relating the topic to various aspects, from spirituality to philosophy.

Just a passing thought

2006-06-11T04:58:00.000-07:00

I am home after bidding good bye to college. In fact it’s already been almost a month now and so I seem to have settled in the groove now. After having almost fifteen days of total idleness and indolence, I have now involved myself in penchant activities. A quite afternoon is an ideal time to go into a shell, doing things that I like, with a radio playing in the background, while all others at home are having a nap. It is now that I recall the day when I left a bunch of friends standing behind, while my WagonR sped away. I couldn’t even see them slowly diminish from the scene because of the luggage that blocked my view, the whole sole on which I had thrived for the past four years.
My heartiest gratitude to the previous three sleepless nights! I kept intermittently dozing throughout the journey of 6 long hours from Varanasi to Lucknow and escaped any uninvited guests that could have troubled my eyes or mind. An unexpected scene welcomed me at home. There was a ‘katha’ and a ‘yajya’ at my place and it was only later that I realized that my parents had planned this to be a monthly activity at home.
Now as it is only two days less than a month since I arrived home, it was a second session of that same ‘pooja’ today. Though some parts of these religious ceremonies make sense to me, others are hard to swallow. The stories narrated by the priest seemed to relate to immediate material benefits gained by the devotee upon performing particular ceremonies. With due regard to feelings of my mother and family which go behind performing such ceremonies at home, I often wonder if I will ever call for them at my home in future. The answer may be in affirmative but it will be inspired more by the nostalgia for my family and culture other than anything else. As for me, I always believe that if there exists God, he would judge me by my actions in everyday life rather than a few minutes or hours of acquired devoutness. I would quote Herman Melville from Moby Dick what I find to be apt:
“But what is worship?-to do the will of God?-that is worship. And what is the will of God?-to do to my fellow man what I would have my fellow man to do to me-that is the will of God.”

Lucky with Lucky

2006-03-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

Luckey Ali nite, the last event of our last Kashi Yatra at IT-BHU. Surbhi and myself walked out of the hostel, when Surbhi remembered that she had left her camera behind. I told her it hardly mattered as there will be numerous people flashing lights upon Luckey Ali so it won't really matter if we don't carry our own camera and any ways we were not going to be lucky enough to get a chance to pose for a photo with him.Performance had already started and we found a comfortable seat for ourself among the serious listners including the faculty. The show was smoothly proceeding when Lucky Ali called upon one girl from the crowd to sing with him. These are all the tactics of the live performers to catch the attention of crowd. Well, I can give no better picture of the way in which I reached front stage than to remind you of the cadbouries ad (a girl crossing the barricades and running into cricket field!!!) which used to appear on television a long time back. In a blink of an eye I was just below the stage, right in front, waving at Lucky Ali. I was shown the way upstage and it was a real thrill to be actually standing next to him with the whole crowd in front of my eyes.The tough part came when he asked us to sing a few couplets and we (Ankita Agarwal, who had also climbed up) couldn't guess the lyrics. We asked him for help and just got to hear "you are supposed to know the lyrics". Another request from Ankita and he helped us start the part we were supposed to sing. It was easy to catch the lyrics then and we really enjoyed while the junta sang in chorus "ek do teen char, band karo ye atyachar!!!" Later I was wondering as well that it was almost a reflex, it's not often that I respond so quickly!!! Whatever be the case, I just smirked when I thought that after all I had got a chance to pose for a photo with him:)